so the first un-happy tears have been shed over the wedding. very nice. i'm one of those classic cases of the dude being stuck between his mother and his... other woman - wife, girlfriend - what have you. fiancee. that, plus culture difference. phx wants a small wedding, mother thinks she's obliged to invite a bunch of ppl whom she knows, but phx doesnt. phx had a set idea of what things were gonna be like, and doesnt really want it any other way. i agreed with phx about keeping the expenses down, but since its turning out that our parents are gonna be paying for most of it all, if they wanna invite some more ppl, then why not. to me, its "the more - the merrier". to phx, she wants a small wedding. i'm easy going, and i guess i just didnt have a strong opinion about what its all gonna look like, so what do i care if there's more ppl - at least it would be a bigger wedding! :)
but i guess its a bit of a struggle of the wills here - phx and mother. i guess both are strong minded, but i guess mother ceded, since she noticed it was quite a big deal. i'm just thinking - what the fuck?! this isnt supposed to be a stressful thing. i'm going from one strong-willed woman to another, but their approaches to things are different. well, phx doesnt make me work in the garden yet :)
so i feel like smoking up, but dont wanna be an escapist, so i'm sitting here feeling pretty crummy. if i have a couple drinks, my head is gonna hurt tomorrow morning. my family and phx dont mesh too well. i guess she always feels outnumbered and stuff, but is not always easygoing, so she gets stressed out/pissed off, and then that puts tension on me, to mediate between her and the family. it was like that in spain, and here sometimes too i guess. its these people that are picky eaters, they're picky about more than just food. they dont like this and that, hard to bend their barriers, expand their horizons. in some respects. i dont know tho - i know a guy that doesnt like tomatoes, but he seems pretty lax about everything else. maybe its just girls then? my stupid bitch ex was pretty set in her ways too. maybe its me bringing these things out in my gf's? maybe i'm too open, easy going, or whatev? maybe used to getting my will bent, so i dont have very firm walls within which to brace up? phx just stormed around the bedroom, then into the can, and growled something about the typing noise keeping her awake. i just had to tell her to get some earplugs. guess maybe its better to vent a bit at a time than just go all out after the pressure is just too high. i donno, i dont think i blow up at people. maybe its the trait of a pussy. fuck, just when u think things are going awrite. well, i guess there's always gonna be shit blowing up in ur face. maybe i just gotta accept that and work on solving these things? channel my tension/pissed-offedness/whatever to solve a problem rather than just reacting to fire with fire? its kinda hard, and its tempting to just go off the deep end, but maybe i should act like the adult i unfortunately am forced to face that i am.