seems like i often "just dont wanna do" things when i'm feeling uneasy/apprehensive about the thing, like i feel intimidated by the task in some way - either i figure its gonna be a lot of headache, grief, its gonna take forever, is very important, or holds a lot of weight in some respect.

and if sober, i'll procrastinate until the last minute - which i seem to do a LOT, with many things. or if i get high or drunk, then i'll do it. this is probably not good. also, the drinking way doesnt seem to work as well - i need to be more intoxicated, at which levels i tend to not be very proficient.

this sucks. i need to focus on making my life enjoyable. i hate not enjoying my life. this cannot continue.