i was goin' to be witty, and pretty, and gay - and comment to shenry's comment on phx' blog re: ascii smooching, so i painstakingly constructed a goddam ascii room with me and phx smooching, only to have blogger fuck it up and automatically delete all empty spaces but one in between actual characters in said goddam ascii room, forcing me to painstakingly fill all empty spaces with periods, which resulted in the revelation that unlike in the comment editor, the posted comments' periods take up less space than backslashes, resulting in further ascii room mayhem. after some more trouble that i must have blocked out, i finally decided to capture the screen of the goddam room as seen in the comment editor, chopped it to size in paint, and will now try to post it here, with perhaps a link from phx' comment thingy. what a clusterfuck.

i fucking hate bums. but i just thought - what if there's just a number of bums that are simply ruining things for people who actually might have got down on their luck and need some help, but are otherwise 'normal'. is there actually justification for these bums to live on the street and beg and steal? should i feel sorry and try to help any of them? and how? i should read up on this - there's probably been some kinda research and studies done on the matter. i wonder if anyone's done a project where they'd start from the ground up, as it were. start off with no money or anything, knowing nobody in the city. how would they do? would it be possible for them to get food, shelter, a job, an appartment, a car - move on up, like the jeffersons? how long would it take? of course it would be easier on the individual if he or she came from a 'normal' home, had no drug problems, no mental problems, their life was 'normal' up until that point. but i posit that it would still yield very valuable insight into the problem. a point to start from, a piece of the puzzle solved. then maybe the drug piece of the puzzle could be solved - how to get the bum off the drugs and into a position where the previous 'contestant' started. then follow the dude's path, hopefully learning from his mistakes. of course that might not easily apply to someone who's abusing whatever they're abusing because of a psychological problem, but that would be the next step to study, wouldnt it. i'd call it "the bum project" :)
then have an expose on the tele - so that people would know whether to give money to the bum, or the oraganisation that would help the bum better, or not to give money at all but instead form death squads and purge the streets and back alleys until they're clean. i wonder if any city has ever successfully dealt away with their bum problem... and how...

gonna be late for work again, because i just couldnt stop browsing thru Lorenzo's pics of Burning Man 2006.
i gotta make it out there one day...

apparently i'm an agreeable neurotic :)

My Personality

Neuroticism	73
Extraversion	47
Openness To Experience	59
Agreeableness	80
Conscientiousness	31

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saturday morning

so our boogie went to sleep around 8:30pm or was it 10 pm..? then maybe around 4 am wanted to eat plus pooped her diaper a bit. after that i stayed up for a while to look at some stuff online. then went to sleep. then maybe around 8am boogie woke up again - took a big dump, then wanted to eat. after it was all done we tried to put her crib together - turned out we couldnt find the baggie with half the screws. we went thru a lot of our shit still in boxes and bags - no sign of the screws. i made myself a coffee before starting the crib project. after failing to find the screws i made myself a little breakfast. after breakfast i finally finished my stone-cold coffee. i want another one. i need another one. maybe i could ask tina's friend across the street if she could score me a little rock to put in my coffee
i think i'm complaining. boogie is starting to cry again, and phx is trying to finally have her breakfast. gots ta go.

tired. dont know what to write. have fleeting glimpses of ideas, but i'm tired and there isnt enough time to write anything out. at least thats how i feel. maybe just how i feel.
our friends voider and nicole came over yesterday, brought food, cleaned up, showed us a bunch of pics from their euro trip. those two have helped us so much, that now i feel bad because we havent been able to reciprocate yet, and they just keep giving. they are the peeps that left our wedding reception when it was just getting rolling, to go back to our appartment and get the cases of wine we forgot. we better do something soon, or we'll never get out of the hole with those two.

and again no time to write about tina the crack whore...

it being september 11th, i saw a piece of some kinda show or whatev on the tele about 9/11 this morning, and got slightly miffed about people missing the point yet again: if 9/11 is revealing anything about the nature of god, it surely must be that he is NOT as christianity portrays him, and in fact he probably doesnt exist at all. maybe the vengeful god of the old testament would impart on mankind all these wars, hunger, and general suffering, the least of which was 9/11. whats with this religious/spiritual impulse in people? "thank you sir, may i have another!"
fucken bullshit.

got back home late because benzino and i worked till 7:30pm because peeps are starting to freak out that my shit is not gonna be ready for the occupancy inspection - whenever that may actually happen. i'd say fuck the peeps, but one of them peeps is my boss, so when my boss starts to freak out, i start to freak out. so i wired up the front door so that even if they have a fire alarm test tomorrow, my shit will pass. and thats all the boss really cares about. and everybody else, really - even if nothing else works, in case of fire residents must be able to exit the building safely and the fire department needs to get in trouble-free.
then i had to drive to home depot to pick up a longer concrete bit, because the ones the boss got dont cut it for more than 3 or 4 inches. then i'll have to find an opportunity to submit the goddam receipt to the orifice for reimbursement.
then i drove home and made myself a coffee and checked out my email, etc, finally giving into the fact that i've been needing very badly to at the very least rotate my tires, because i was already wearing thru the bare threads that were exposed on the corner of my front left tire. i finally did it. i've been trying to do it for like a week. another thing i've been trying to do for like a week is to swap out the existing light in Lily's room for the Ikea sun we got. but that had to be put off for yet another day.
and i'm falling asleep in front of the comp.

this was a comment i wrote on someone else's blog, and it was so good i had to make it a post in its own right :)


"ah, the unmistakeable call of that bitch, nostalgia...hit me pretty good one time when i was about 12 - my parents were balding and going grey, me and my bro realised they were feeling pretty nostalgic about us growing up into adolescents too, getting hair in odd places and all, which only served to deepen the overwhelming feeling. to boot, it occurred to my lil' bro that we'll probably never see gramma again, because she was already very old and we werent expecting to go back to poland anytime soon. we had a good cry that night.
dude - are you really trying hard to be cool? (or hip, as the case may be.) i remember trying to be cool in highschool, maybe sometimes after that, but i figure most people stop trying hard to be cool before they're 20. i donno if its hormonal, or psychological as a result of a shift in social pressures, or something else, but it seems like it just happens. maybe it wasnt as much trying to be cool, as trying to fit in? maybe its trying to fit in first, and then trying to be cool, from the platform of teenage normalcy. maybe "a" platform - there's the skaters, the goth, the gangsta's (apostrophe is not to separate the "s" but is rather the last char of the word "gangsta'" (now, that doesnt make it much easier to notice, does it)), the geeks. actually, now that i think of it - the goth WERE the geeks - they were the ones playing rpg's [ :) ], etc. but i think also the more of a "computer geek" you were, the less goth you were, and viceversa. so where was i? trying to be cool. or hip, as the case may be. so were you really trying to be hip, or were you just doing what you wanted because u thought it was cool, or hip, without much regard of what it might look like to others? {i love changing tenses within one sentence :) actually, maybe i dont actually lurve it, but i do it for some reason, even when i realise i technically shouldnt. in this case i think the way i wrote it sounded more natural. or looked like it would've sounded more natural, were it actually spoken out loud, that is to say ;) }i wonder if highschool-aged kids tend to take criticism harder because of their hormones, but also tend to be harsher critics because of said hormones. i remember hearing highschool girls going on and on about hating this and hating that, but loving something else or another. no lukewarm feelings about anything at all. but thinking a little more about it all, i also remember kids who seemed innately "just cool". :))i remember this one guy in particular - chris - long mane of hair, surfer/stoner talk, loud, somewhat obnoxious, smoker, laughed loudly a lot, had a cool girlfriend, was funny - people just looked up to him in some ways, or had some kinda respect for him, even though he didnt do that great academically. he didnt seem to be affected by the whole 'trying to fit in' thing. that was junior high. he started piping down in senior high - chopped the hair, wasnt quite as loud anymore. then i saw him a year or 2 ago - he was just a plumber. (maybe the piping down was forshadowing :D) hehe, on the other hand i accidentally ran into one of the highschool geeks at a party a while back, and he'd just sold his roleplaying paraphernalia store and was going to england to blow his monies on bigger and better things. how things have changed :) but yet another twist - i asked said geek about another geek - saul - whom he knew, who was in a few of my classes. this guy was so intelligent, i thought for sure he musta by now got on some kind of UN committee, or is lecturing at some university, or works for some animation studio, since i knew he'd gotten a gov't grant to do a short animated film right after highschool. nope. he did his short film, it fell through the cracks, and that was his last achievement in that department. he now apparently works as some clerk somewhere or something. that just shocked me. he was one of the most intelligent and eloquent people i've ever seen, and i last heard him speak in grade 11, in like '94. just sad.hehe, this should be an entry on my blog, not a comment on yours. ah, whatev :)so where the fuck was i going with this..? i'm at like a tangent off a tangent off a tangent here...right - shenry said, or seemed to have implied he was trying to be hip, and also seemed to be down about it. what i think happened, is that shenry remembered all the good times he'd had at stella's, but then he started realising that those times are probably gone for good because he doesnt hang out with his peeps there like they used to, and the kind of peeps that hang out there now has changed, making even more remote the possibility of those good times ever returning, and it made him sad that he lost something that he cherished so much. people dont like to lose things. adding to those 'negative' or 'low' feelings was the realisation that the new crowd hanging out at stella's was comprised largely of these 30-something year-old yuppies - people who in shenry's subconscious were catalogued as intrinsically uncool, they werent 'real', they were suburbanites, with "real" jobs and money to blow, family people for christ's sakes, yet they were 'trying' to do, to awkwardly emulate, what was defacto reserved for people actually 'living' their lives - namely hanging out at cool spots such as stella's. they invaded it and blanded the shit out of it. then a chilling suspicion creeped into shenry's mind. he was there too, shoulder to shoulder with these, these people. some might even say he fits their demographic... shenry is kinda like, one of them... this probably got shenry into such a pit that his fight-or-flight mechanism kicked in and he bounced. will this episode cause a mid-life crisis type of reaction in shenry? or will he re-evaluate his old preconceptions about "these people" from his "seasoned" point of view, and start looking at them like people who are perhaps like himself in some ways...?
sorry about the "seasoned", dude - it was just right there, i couldnt help it :D
but i agree with ghost, dude - ur cool, and i hope u dont think u've lost something along the way, but rather built an even higher coolness off a platform that kids cant see yet ;)
unless i'm completely wrong and you were actually trying hard to be hip. and you didnt like that because trying hard is just not cool. would your near-obsessive work-out and diet routines, careful personal grooming, playing hackey-sack in public places, frequenting cafe's, bars and clubs which rate high on the rosicrucians' coolness lists, all be manifestations of the odious and repugnant drive towards ultimate hip-dom?
why does shenry do the things he does? and whatever his drives - are they evil? if he cuts, does he bleed..?
;) "