well, today is a decidedly better day :)
even though its 6:50 am and i still gota shower and go to work...
my recent raise to $21/hr left me feeling worse than any previous raise. probably because i went in with higher expectations. and i lost my nerve when the bosses spun the review a different way than i thought it would go. this conversion tool says i make $43K/yr, while my buddy used to make almost $75K like 10 years ago in a different city. he was self employed and subcontracting at that point. i believe thats what the "head tech" is making at my company right now. and he's been with the company formaybe 3 out of the 4.5 years that i've been here. the boss just seems to have favouritized him from the get-go. is that supposed to be hyphenated? mind u he's probably sold himself very well at the interview, as he has throughout his employment here. he's learned a lot straight from the boss here, and so now he actually probably does know the most out of all of us techs.
the conversion tool says that to make about a 100K the hourly wage must be about $48. like in 2 hours such a person would make what i used to make in a day. thats incredimable.
anywho, its after 7am and i still gotta shower and try to get to work by 7:30... good luck :D

i just saw "Desperado" - what a stupid movie. there's some cool-ish stuff in it, but i still dont get what the fuck was supposed to be happening. oh well.
i guess i feel like life sucks when whatever happens makes me feel crappy, especially when there's a couple of those things. emotions suck. those bad ones. wish i could turn those bad ones off and just logically figure things out. because i do like those good ones, just hate the bad ones. i guess its kinda like a drug - when u choose to live with one, theres good things and bad things attached. but i guess emotions are a kinda "logic" thats hardwired into us. there is no meaning to life - it just is. we're here - guess might as well do something with it. i keep thinking of getting stoned, but cant avoid thinking that a stoned lifestyle is not all that either - the memory problems, the mood swings after, the logic errors. a friend of mine recently said that life is as you perceive it, and thats all that matters. but just because a problem is not bothering you, doesnt mean that the problem is not there. just fucking problems everywhere. i dont even know what the fuck i'm saying

i just saw this movie "sideways" and this movie "hellion". hellion turned out to be an australian movie. sideways had a guy who was about to marry in a week , screwing this chick he just met 3 ways from sunday. i thunk it was kinda... uncool. i was hoping he would decide not to marry the chick he was gonna marry - would have been probably better for her too. but hey - he screwed her good. his wife not-to-be and his... fuck-puppet. well, he actually did marry the chick he was going to. after being severily beaten with a motorcycle helmet. felt pretty good :)
this must have been the first, or one of the first times that i'd gotten drunk on red wine. red wine and ginger ale.
pok 0 wine caa in ye poj0ghiste snnnns

ok - i have no idea what that that just said - but i sure hope that its not a nobel morir

which again - i dont kno what thsats about, but i hope every one enjoys themselves;)

ciao! ;)