so, my new year's resolution was to quit the pot - well more like reeeeally minimise it - to like once or twice a month. so far its been a week and i guess i'm doing awrite - although i've been having a beer or 2 almost every day - phx is not too happy about that - we'll see how things develop. sometimes i feel like life is shit and there's no fucken way i wanna go thru it sober - its just too shitty. i dont know a single truly happy individual who has to support themselves. ok maybe there's my friend montoyo - but he's finding it really hard to quit pot. so i guess thats taking away from his happiness. life is a constant struggle. i guess that s one way it can be seen. i dont wanna believe that point of view tho. i dont want it to be all that there is to it. i try to see it in other, more positive ways. i need to be happier, or else its not worth it. who am i gonna suffer thru life for? but it seems like to get to a point where i might be happier i must first fight an uphill battle against myself - my nature, my character/personality. i have to work hard to get to a hopefully better existence. i've sorta been trying but can i actually do it? i know i should just do it - but its so unbelievably hard! i m trying and i'm hitting my head against a brick wall. i dont wanna work hard at some stupid shit - and there's no way of living any kinda lifestyle without doing just that. but i gotta keep on trying.