2 weeks no pot

thats right - 14 days :)
i like pot, but there's a time and place for it. without me realising it, it'd invaded my life and i kept turning to it for feeling good - but it was impairing me in some ways and finally i decided that i needed to level out emotionally *without* being adversly affected in terms of memory, sexual performance, concentration and comprehension. it may soom odd to some that a shroom trip helped me crystallise these thoughts and finally the decision :)
true - i've been turning to beer for a sort of consolation a bit, but even that's pretty much gone now,so thats awrite :)
if i'm having this much trouble with pot then i'm thankful i never got into anything hardcore :)
i'm sorta toying now with the idea of trying to get somewhere deeper with psychadelics, some sort of understanding, revelation, illumination..? and i still havent really hallucinated yet... :(
sometimes i wonder whether its all bullshit, but then i remember my friend alek's amazing, if frightening, mushroom experience. so it is possible. but perhaps not for everybody :(
but no more unexamined, purely recreational substances :)
but so often, like this evening, i find myself a bit low: i passed yet another day like an ant: went to work, did my stupid work for chump change, under supervisors who are less knowledgeable/intelligent than me, drove home, did some chores, tried rushing off to help parents' friends with their comp problem, got stuck in traffic, wasted a bunch of time, didnt solve the problem, bothered my brother in edmonton with a friggin' free tech support phone call, ended up taking their comp with me to hopefully fix it home, got back home, did chores to only slightly diminish the depressing backlog of shit that still needs to get done and needed to get done for a while now, and then the gf wants to go to sleep... i havent LIVED today yet! i refuse to live out my life doing stuff i dont like or barely tolerate! i'm here for me! it's got to be worthwhile!
so at least i messed with the blog for a bit. oh, did i mention my comp died? good thing my gf's got one of her own - that way we're not *totally* cut off from the world. real life kinda sucks. or maybe i'm going about it all wrong. maybe i'm too pessimistic. how do i get more optimistic?
still gotta shower before hitting the sack...