it is becoming apparent to me that i dont "like" to "create" or "produce", and am most at ease observing. such a lifestyle is doomed to fail. extinction. i mean, i work for a living but i dont really like it most of the time. one has to contribute to the world, the society one lives in - otherwise one's just a parasite. hehe - isnt one :)
i like to listen, read, watch, look, accompany, but rarely if ever do i actually "generate" anything. seems like i just respond to stimuli - a friggin' glorified cuckaroach. right now i'm supposed to be fixing a comp for a friend of my rents' - and it involves having to learn and troubleshoot and figure out just why the bloody thing wont work. this could be viewed as an exciting prospect - exploring, learning and all that jazz. but i got some internal brakes firmly on. i think it was easier to "just do it" when i smoked pot. i think i'm more productive when i smoke pot. then i dont seem to mind nearly as much getting into unfamiliar territory or whatever adversities. or doing something i dont really feel like doing or dont like. seems like i'd rather talk about it instead of just doing it.