write. about something. without bitching? i donno...
the new job is not how i'd hoped it'd be. at times its good. but at times its stressful. different kind of stress though, when ur working for a friend. maybe this is just not the industry for me? but at this time, with 2 kids and a mortgage - a bit late to change. its apparent to me now that a higher "IQ" is not a great match against punctuality and efficiency. i used to think IQ was the true measure of a person. i'm still kinda stuck in that kinda thinking. how to change? maybe just press on with my way of being, and maybe one day i'll shine, and it wont be weird or annoying, but original and cool. but isnt the world littered with ppl who kept on being themselves to the max, but just didnt make it, and burnt out? but maybe i'm too "sensible" to be myself to the max, or better - the sensibility is too much a part of myself to really BE different like that.
Terence McKenna's life sounds like it was cool - sure, it started out with a geeky, awkward childhood, but then he was in college, experimenting with drugs, talking to interesting people, travelling abroad, doing more drugs, studying philosophies, theologies, cultures, taking full advantage of that whole free love thing that was going around then. and then he was back, growing and selling shrooms for a living, starting to write books, going on lecture circuits, doing more drugs, achieving para-messianic dimensions... before succumbing to a brain tumour...
is it better to live (seemingly) that fully but for a bit shorter?
"Take Five" is playing thru my head. i also heard today a tango-y (tangy?) instrumental version of "white rabbit" - funky. weird, but funky.
a lot, if not all interpersonal problems would be avoided if we all really understood and felt, what others mean. but instead we try to translate to one another what we think we think we mean. we dont even understand ourselves.