been listening to the last harry potter on my mp3 player - havent caught up to the point i've read to, and its pissing me off.
i called around to see who would like to chill out with me and phx and boogie this evening - one couple showed up.
it sucks that i used to be pretty close with my buddy voider, but now it takes like 2 hours just to melt the ice and start having a nice flow of fun. and by then his wife gets tired of not getting whats going on and they go home.
life sucks for quite a few people, it seems - did things ever use to be different? or more precisely - better?
i cant imagine a way that i could direct my life to be truly happy - there always seem to be drawbacks. maybe i'm aiming too high.
i'm really tired, but i wanted to do something enjoyable before succumbing to sleep.
and last but not least - everything sucks, and i want a device installed in my brain that would make me happy and glad all the time.
bla bla bla...
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2 comments:
tell me what i can do.. if you need me and boogie out of here for a couple hours in the evening so you can have some alone time, just tell me. i love you. :*
heres a question, tomek. i dont know if youve thought of this or not. i know when i was in the throws of my depressions, i never did. what exactly is it that would make you happy? is it some big happening? the acheivment of some goal youve set? a nipple ring? what is it exactly that would make you happy, that would fill you with the joy you seem to be seeking?
its weird how we get this idea of what happiness should feel like, look like, be like, and how we look around and for some reason where what and who we are is never in line with what we imagined.
theres gonna be frustration with everything in every aspect of everyones life. no one goes through a day where something doesnt rub em the wrong way. could be the guy who cut me off in traffic this morning. could be the fact that ive written six novles and i cant get anyone to read them. could be that my nipple ring has caused an infection and its irritating me.
i know i didnt crawl out of my own funk until i started realizing that where i am is pretty damn good despite what ever small frustrations are ever present. i had to train myself to think well, fuck, im pushing carts again, but at least the weather is nice. or if the weather was 108 degrees, i made myself consider the killer tan i was getting. i started making myself enjoy the smallest moments and it took time, brother, but i promise you, if you can start taking that attitude on in every aspect of your life, you will forget the frustration.
you have to make the conscious decision every single day my man. i do. every morning, i look in the mirror and i ask myself "are you going to enjoy your lfe today, dude?" i alwasy say yes. i dont always accomplish it, but i try everyday to let the good in my life dominate my thoughts.
ill be quiet now.
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