mr. mo

where i work, i've befriended this black guy from kenya. his name is mohammed. not sure if thats the spelling he uses but he's mr. mo to me. not that he's much older than me - i'd say he's 33.
i've seen him around lots. i know him because this guy who used to work with me - hash - was also muslim, so they had something in common. hash left the company to keep educating himself, but i kept saying hi to mr mo whenever i saw him. however, we never got past the smalltalk stage until recently, when i found out he's now married. he's been living in canada for a while, he's strayed from islam a bit - dating, partying once in a while. and in all those years, whenever he called home his mom would bug him about when he's getting married and all that jazz. finally he told his mom to find him a good wife over there, in kenya - he trusts her judgment. so a while later, his mom announces to him she's found someone. she told him what she knew about her. sounded interesting, so he asked for a picture. his mom talked to her family, and they gave her a picture of their daughter. from what i understood, she was wearing a burqa, so the picture wasnt very revealing. so mr mo asked for another picture. to which his mom responded that it would be inappropriate, since they'd already asked them for a picture, and received it. like it or not, mr. mo went to kenya, i guess got the equivalent of an engagement, and was finally permitted to talk to her on the phone.
"good god" - i thought.
i guess she sounded awrite, because soon thereafter mr mo got married!
and bingo-bango - shortly after he found out he was gonna be a daddy!!
good job mr mo!!! :D
now he's back in canada, working his butt off to get ready for the impending arrival of his wife. the stupid thing is, even though they're married, she's not allowed to come here with him until she gets cleared by immigration or whatever - which might not happen until after she gives birth.
when he was telling me the story, i told him that i understand it's his tradition/religion, but that i just couldnt do something like that - my thinking on the matter now is that a couple should live together for at least a while so they can find out what each other is like day to day. because life is more mundane day to day than exciting dates, booty calls or just occasional hanging out.
but mr mo says that his approach to marriage is very different from the start. a successfully married couple has to be determined that this is a lifetime deal. to mr mo, "western" relationships have doubt and uncertainty instilled right in them in the form of anniversaries. mr mo sees celebrating an anniversary as being happy that "we made it thru a month! a year! two years!" to me it's not exactly like that, but i suppose theres a little bit of that in there.
then mo went something like:
"there is no perfect matches. if someone finds a 50% match that's very good. the rest is just being determined to make it work. and knowing how to approach the relationship. a woman will every now and then try to push you, push your buttons, she will be cranky, maybe she's having a bad day, maybe its that time of the month, maybe its the moon, but you have to understand that this is her nature, it will happen in every relationship. you have to treat her like a rose, and never mind the thorns - just keep on watering and taking good care of her and she will blossom beautifully for you..."

he just about killed me with that one - it was funny, but it was beautiful! thats an awesome thing to keep in mind. i mean, i still think i'd like a bit more certainty on whom i'm going to marry, and i do believe that there should be a lot of determination in a marriage, but the "watering the thorny rose" analogy is just priceless. i wonder what he meant by the moon affecting a woman's disposition. well, i guess in western society some people also believe that the full moon tends to make people a little more crazy than usual.

and after i told my dad about this, he laughed and said "and if it doesnt work, then you can always 'trim' her a little..."

but let the record show my dad is not a misogynist, and treats my mom well.