well, i was gonna post about what a shitty night it's been, how what was supposed to have been a stupid 2-3 hour side-job finish-off turned into an over 5 hour stupid clusterfuck until 12:40 am that i still have to go and finish off tomorrow, or die trying, while having to call my parents to tell them that unfortunately their moron son cant come to celebrate their other son's wedding as he'd promised, because he has to work another 3-4 hours to try and finish this stupid job which will probably end up paying under minimum wage, judging by the amount of hours its taking. i drove home yelling at myself about how unbelievably, ridiculously, extravagantly, fucken flamboyantly idiotic this whole thing was. it just rates above and beyond anything ever before, at all, and has set a brand new, astronomically unattainable standard of... of... there's just no proper word in the english vocabulary for this kinda thing just yet. but here's a few markers, just to point toward the general nature of this: idiocy, stupidity, brainlessness, braindeadness, retardation, unfitness for survival, un-human-worthiness, time waste, ...
well, i feel a little bit better now. man - that was incredible. just so stupid. ugh...
and then i get home, shower, and read on phx' blog about how she's still hemorrhaging about my brother's email, and which has now spread to doubts about our relationship again. why me? i change lanes in morning traffic, and my lane immediately starts slowing down, and my until now slow lane starts speeding up and everybody gets ahead of me. i'm sure my car will break down tomorrow, and i'll try to fix it in the rain, and get sick, get fired, get sicker, krista will leave me for an acid dealer, my parents and brother will die, and so will i and dogs and cats will shit and pee on my grave, and my name will be deleted from all records by some freak virus, and so all this pain will have been in vain, and that's the end. fucken bullshit.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Sunday, October 30, 2005
The decline and fall of work
i just happened upon what looks like a chapter out of a book online, and its a pretty wicked read :)
at first it just screams some of the feelings and thoughts i've had about work, having put them into words. and how! and then it goes further and talks about things i didnt know about and havent thought of. cant say i agree with all of it - seems like in some instances substance was sacrificed for the sake of flare - but the flare is largely what makes me like it - kinda like terence mckenna :) enjoy!
at first it just screams some of the feelings and thoughts i've had about work, having put them into words. and how! and then it goes further and talks about things i didnt know about and havent thought of. cant say i agree with all of it - seems like in some instances substance was sacrificed for the sake of flare - but the flare is largely what makes me like it - kinda like terence mckenna :) enjoy!
Friday, October 28, 2005
recently i've been thinking about the movie "7 degrees of separation" or somethig like that. i've never seen it but i've got the idea that its about how everyone is separated from anyone else in the world by a max or average of 7 people - meaning, i know a guy that knows a guy that knows a guy that knows a guy that knows a guy that knows a guy that knows the president, or something like that. i thunk of it because i found it kinda cool that i know a guy whose nephew plays in the NFL for the florida team - whoever they happen to be. and then i thought how i also know a guy whose aunt used to be married to a guy who was a drummer for bob marley for a while. funny enough, same guy has an uncle who either IS like a world renowned crickett superstar or he has another nephew who is - dont remember exactly anymore - i was told after a few mojito pitchers and some smoke. both famous dudes are related to my friend by marriage though, because he's white as my ass :) but he's a very cool dude, so let the record show that the similarity of pigmentation of my friend and my posterior has had no detrimental effect on my friend whatsoever. man, i'm starting to write weird - must be late. then i know this dude who used to run a hair salon with a buddy, which was really only a front for their drug superstore. then i kinda know this chick who went out on a date with samuel l. jackson. i know dudes who used to hang out with biff naked when they were all small time hardcore rockers. she got big, but they still supposedly chill occasionally. seen a few NHL stars around, worked in some of their houses when they were being constructed. my buddy's gf used to babysit for one of them. etc etc
so i know ppl who know ppl. hehe - too bad i dont know any celebrities personally :) but its an astoundingly small world sometimes. like my ex gf in toronto, turned out to be a longtime friend of a buddy of mine from accross the country. or my brother's ex gf like 2 or 3 years later met up and dated my bob marley related friend. shit - i think that guy must be the best 'connected' yet. damn, i think that must be right. apparently he did some work at a place that belongs to the richest man in china - then they hung out a bit - dude is supposedly a sweetheart. i wondered out loud to my friend whether the nice rich old man got rich because he was a ruthless businessman in his youth, and now that his hormones have chilled out he's nice and everybody likes him. but lets not kill yet another ideal and hope he's always been nice and thats one of the keys to his astounding success :)
ok - time for beddy. but i gotta rent that movie. or borrow it from the library :)
so i know ppl who know ppl. hehe - too bad i dont know any celebrities personally :) but its an astoundingly small world sometimes. like my ex gf in toronto, turned out to be a longtime friend of a buddy of mine from accross the country. or my brother's ex gf like 2 or 3 years later met up and dated my bob marley related friend. shit - i think that guy must be the best 'connected' yet. damn, i think that must be right. apparently he did some work at a place that belongs to the richest man in china - then they hung out a bit - dude is supposedly a sweetheart. i wondered out loud to my friend whether the nice rich old man got rich because he was a ruthless businessman in his youth, and now that his hormones have chilled out he's nice and everybody likes him. but lets not kill yet another ideal and hope he's always been nice and thats one of the keys to his astounding success :)
ok - time for beddy. but i gotta rent that movie. or borrow it from the library :)
Monday, October 24, 2005
20 random things
i've just been informed that i'm a little shit-fucker. and that i'm mean.
who do u think said it? :)
whoever it was, they said they dont like me anymore and i didnt get to write ahead of time that they were gonna throw a paper ball at me :(
i dont think i'm mean. i mean, i have the potential to be, but i dont think i ever really am anymore.
but anywho, here's 20 somewhat random things...
1. vodka used to be my hard liquor of choice, but i think i like gibson's whiskey better now.
2. i used to say that given the choice between dropping alcohol or pot from my life, i'd say i would drop alcohol without hesitation.
i was just informed i bought the barbed wire of toilet papers :)
3. after screwing around in college for a year and a half and then just sitting at my parents home for a year i finally went to a technical institute for 2 years just to get some kinda profession, to have something to make a living from while i figure out just what i'd like to study. that was 5 years ago and i still dont know what and where to study. i have too many interests - just like 10 years ago.
4. my last big purchase was the tv i guess, but the last REAL big one was the trip to spain.
5. my brother is in azerbaijan right now, getting ready to get married to a girl he met and "dated" online for about a year or so, whom he hadnt met in person until a few weeks ago. they wanna have one wedding in azerbaijan and one in poland - which is gonna be my next big expense. too bad i wont be able to catch the one in azerbaijan tho.
6. i used to have a beverage can and bottle collection - i dont know how many hundreds of each i had anymore. i sold most of them for what turned out to be pennies, but kept the more interesting stuff at my parents place.
7. i now live like 8 or 9 time zones away from where i was born. my brother is now directly on the other side of the planet from me.
8. i've owned a dodge omni, then an oldsmobile toronado, now i drive a talon, and i also have another dodge omni now :)
9. i'm starting to dislike snowboarding more and more - the hills are still focused on skiers, and so the flat stretches just kill me. plus the ridiculous prices, the fog, flurries and other visibility impediments, icy slopes, too many people, blah blah blah...
10. i've started to suspect my grandfather might have been something of a spy. just dont know for whom.
11. my last name has 13 letters. only one of them is a vowel.
hehe, just kidding :)
12. i still have a little plush-ish doggie that i got when i was a baby, but to which i became much more attached when my real dog died. i named it "bacek" (little shepherd) after the real dog.
13. my real dog died because he got really sick from getting a cold from being tied up outside in the cold and somewhat wet, because i walked my brother with him to the bus stop, and when i got back home i realized i lost my key and couldnt find it, and then it was time for me to go to school, so a neighbour offered to keep my dog in her yard, spotted me the bus change and some paper and a pen. it was winter and snow was on the ground. i found the key later that year, after my dog died.
14. i have stupid regrets that come back to haunt me every now and then. i used to be really bothered by this pretty silly one about having inadvertently burned part of my brother's kids magazine centerfold cutout toy thingy. still kinda bugs me. these things used to get pretty bad, and it seems like they finally started triggering something like a tourette's response when these regrets get a bit overwhelming - my head might twitch to the side, or i might say something like "fuck off!", "stupid fuck", "asshole" etc. but i'm happy to say its subsided considerably.
15. i am more nervous about running into the guy who used to be my friend and with whom my ex gf of almost 3 years started getting involved when she was still with me, and to whom she's now engaged, than about running into her, and i think it is because i'm more physically intimidated by him than her.
16. i can make waves with my belly like, um... a belly dancer :)
17. no matter how interesting i find something, as soon as it becomes something i have to do, or something of importance, i tend to get apprehensive about it and go and get occupied with something else, usually something completely useless and unproductive.
18. i'm kinda afraid i may be a coward. i dont think i've ever made an important decision in my life - fate just sorta seems to have put me into situations and places, and all i had to do was just to take the opportunity, not even that - just go with the flow, play the role. i guess being passive like this is quite conducive to determinism. which might just be the actual, true state of things.
19. the only actual important "decision" that i can think of having made is deciding that god probably doesnt exist. but i still havent told my family. i dont know how i ever will.
20. i started this feeling somewhat positive, but finish feeling pretty down, and i think the decline started with the story about my dog.
time to get groceries.
who do u think said it? :)
whoever it was, they said they dont like me anymore and i didnt get to write ahead of time that they were gonna throw a paper ball at me :(
i dont think i'm mean. i mean, i have the potential to be, but i dont think i ever really am anymore.
but anywho, here's 20 somewhat random things...
1. vodka used to be my hard liquor of choice, but i think i like gibson's whiskey better now.
2. i used to say that given the choice between dropping alcohol or pot from my life, i'd say i would drop alcohol without hesitation.
i was just informed i bought the barbed wire of toilet papers :)
3. after screwing around in college for a year and a half and then just sitting at my parents home for a year i finally went to a technical institute for 2 years just to get some kinda profession, to have something to make a living from while i figure out just what i'd like to study. that was 5 years ago and i still dont know what and where to study. i have too many interests - just like 10 years ago.
4. my last big purchase was the tv i guess, but the last REAL big one was the trip to spain.
5. my brother is in azerbaijan right now, getting ready to get married to a girl he met and "dated" online for about a year or so, whom he hadnt met in person until a few weeks ago. they wanna have one wedding in azerbaijan and one in poland - which is gonna be my next big expense. too bad i wont be able to catch the one in azerbaijan tho.
6. i used to have a beverage can and bottle collection - i dont know how many hundreds of each i had anymore. i sold most of them for what turned out to be pennies, but kept the more interesting stuff at my parents place.
7. i now live like 8 or 9 time zones away from where i was born. my brother is now directly on the other side of the planet from me.
8. i've owned a dodge omni, then an oldsmobile toronado, now i drive a talon, and i also have another dodge omni now :)
9. i'm starting to dislike snowboarding more and more - the hills are still focused on skiers, and so the flat stretches just kill me. plus the ridiculous prices, the fog, flurries and other visibility impediments, icy slopes, too many people, blah blah blah...
10. i've started to suspect my grandfather might have been something of a spy. just dont know for whom.
11. my last name has 13 letters. only one of them is a vowel.
hehe, just kidding :)
12. i still have a little plush-ish doggie that i got when i was a baby, but to which i became much more attached when my real dog died. i named it "bacek" (little shepherd) after the real dog.
13. my real dog died because he got really sick from getting a cold from being tied up outside in the cold and somewhat wet, because i walked my brother with him to the bus stop, and when i got back home i realized i lost my key and couldnt find it, and then it was time for me to go to school, so a neighbour offered to keep my dog in her yard, spotted me the bus change and some paper and a pen. it was winter and snow was on the ground. i found the key later that year, after my dog died.
14. i have stupid regrets that come back to haunt me every now and then. i used to be really bothered by this pretty silly one about having inadvertently burned part of my brother's kids magazine centerfold cutout toy thingy. still kinda bugs me. these things used to get pretty bad, and it seems like they finally started triggering something like a tourette's response when these regrets get a bit overwhelming - my head might twitch to the side, or i might say something like "fuck off!", "stupid fuck", "asshole" etc. but i'm happy to say its subsided considerably.
15. i am more nervous about running into the guy who used to be my friend and with whom my ex gf of almost 3 years started getting involved when she was still with me, and to whom she's now engaged, than about running into her, and i think it is because i'm more physically intimidated by him than her.
16. i can make waves with my belly like, um... a belly dancer :)
17. no matter how interesting i find something, as soon as it becomes something i have to do, or something of importance, i tend to get apprehensive about it and go and get occupied with something else, usually something completely useless and unproductive.
18. i'm kinda afraid i may be a coward. i dont think i've ever made an important decision in my life - fate just sorta seems to have put me into situations and places, and all i had to do was just to take the opportunity, not even that - just go with the flow, play the role. i guess being passive like this is quite conducive to determinism. which might just be the actual, true state of things.
19. the only actual important "decision" that i can think of having made is deciding that god probably doesnt exist. but i still havent told my family. i dont know how i ever will.
20. i started this feeling somewhat positive, but finish feeling pretty down, and i think the decline started with the story about my dog.
time to get groceries.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
a friend of mine is trying to force me to take some action towards bettering my future. he wants me to get my life on track. he wants me to figure out what it is exactly that i think i want - do i want riches and dont care what i do? do i want my work to do something for me in a non-materialistic way? what would i like to do for a living? how much money do i want to be making? when to retire by?
so i guess i want to be able to do whatever i want. i want freedom, independence. for work, i'd like to do something that i'd be excited to get onto. i now know that i dont want to be wet and/or cold at work, but i dont mind the fresh air and mobility. i'd like to be able to do my work from anywhere in the world, and/or travel a lot to see how ppl live in different places, check out the achievements of cultures and individuals everywhere. i'm thinking translator, architect, designer?
i've worked in security for 4 years. i know a bit of stuff, some of the finer points interest me. i've recently realised i like drilling into metal, screwing bolts and nuts, threading - but somewhat precision work. i guess i like details. one thing thats keeping me in security is that i now have a bit of experience and so get paid ok. thats 2 things. i guess i could get into it. but would i be good? would it be fulfilling? maybe, but i'd never know if languages might have done much more for me.
so maybe i should continue within security, trying to learn as much as possible, but keep eyes open for more learning opportunities, better working conditions. but i'd like to get to a place i guess, where i'd work more freelance, do cool little projects that would be rewarding, learning experiences, and very profitable, so that I could then re-route a lot of time to going back to school (after some self study first, maybe), and really exploring all the aspects of language/communication, and then being able to narrow down my interests and doing more and more interesting stuff. and if i like it better than security then i can change fields.
another thing i wanted to play with is t-shirt design and producing, maybe even a wider variety of clothes. maybe i could do this sorta on the side of security. see if it flourishes.
or maybe some different types of design.
i dont think working on my car could ever turn into more than a hobby, but i'd deffinitely like to learn more about this hobby and become more proficient at it. it would also be cool to build remote controlled and AI robots. i like electronic gadgets and would like to work more with them, get more experimental, create.
so i guess i want to be able to do whatever i want. i want freedom, independence. for work, i'd like to do something that i'd be excited to get onto. i now know that i dont want to be wet and/or cold at work, but i dont mind the fresh air and mobility. i'd like to be able to do my work from anywhere in the world, and/or travel a lot to see how ppl live in different places, check out the achievements of cultures and individuals everywhere. i'm thinking translator, architect, designer?
i've worked in security for 4 years. i know a bit of stuff, some of the finer points interest me. i've recently realised i like drilling into metal, screwing bolts and nuts, threading - but somewhat precision work. i guess i like details. one thing thats keeping me in security is that i now have a bit of experience and so get paid ok. thats 2 things. i guess i could get into it. but would i be good? would it be fulfilling? maybe, but i'd never know if languages might have done much more for me.
so maybe i should continue within security, trying to learn as much as possible, but keep eyes open for more learning opportunities, better working conditions. but i'd like to get to a place i guess, where i'd work more freelance, do cool little projects that would be rewarding, learning experiences, and very profitable, so that I could then re-route a lot of time to going back to school (after some self study first, maybe), and really exploring all the aspects of language/communication, and then being able to narrow down my interests and doing more and more interesting stuff. and if i like it better than security then i can change fields.
another thing i wanted to play with is t-shirt design and producing, maybe even a wider variety of clothes. maybe i could do this sorta on the side of security. see if it flourishes.
or maybe some different types of design.
i dont think working on my car could ever turn into more than a hobby, but i'd deffinitely like to learn more about this hobby and become more proficient at it. it would also be cool to build remote controlled and AI robots. i like electronic gadgets and would like to work more with them, get more experimental, create.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
hehe :)
Monday, September 26, 2005
taggage
i've been tagged
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.
here's the sentence:
life sucks. (Tuesday, January 18, 2005 posting)
ha! this is hilarious :D
i'll try and put tags to 5 ppl's blogs soon.
g'nite! :)
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.
here's the sentence:
life sucks. (Tuesday, January 18, 2005 posting)
ha! this is hilarious :D
i'll try and put tags to 5 ppl's blogs soon.
g'nite! :)
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
back from eurotrip
so we're finally back from a 3 week crazy trip mostly to spain. it was deffinitely packed: on the way to spain we had a half a day layover in london so we blitzed thru some of it. then got a hotel, waited an hour and 15 minutes for a pizza delivery. fucken retarded. the worst thing about london is how un-fucken-believable expensive it is - things cost at the very least twice as much as they do here, and from there there is no ceiling. 80 pounds for a cab from london gatwick to downtown london - PLUS like 7 pounds i think to be able to drive into the london core. thats like over $170. i could probably go to fucken seattle for that. and the retarded pay-per-minute internet machine at the airport just blocked gmail, so i could only check my hotmail account. but once ur in london i guess there's things to see. but it was still just crazy.
then to spain. people smoking everywhere. well, in london too. stupid designated smoking areas that the smoke simply drifted out of - completely retarded. man, am i on a negative trip eh? :)
in spain and portugal - the road and highway signage was "inadequate" - often there was no signs, and when they were there, they were tiny and right at the turn u need to take. and confusing as hell - a huge sign above a highway that ur on, with up to 10 different highway signs and 2 cities - all going in ur direction - all these highways on one road? plus they've been changing their highway denomination system, so even the maps wer just piss poor, and even the newest ones werent well updated. they've been on this change for a couple years! the spanish just dont give a shit. often rude customer servie. half the stores were closed for vacation. 90% bathrooms had no toilet paper - especially annoying for girls. timers on lights in all public areas, sothe light would turn of like 3 times while ur taking a shit. everything in public areas was sticky - in england too - i guess they just wipe stuff down semi-anually. kitchens in bars etc close at like 2 or 3 pm or something - so u might be able to get a cold sandwich only. but the coffee was great - espeially in portugal - strong and delicious. but they dont even fuck around with brewing the stuff - they just do espresso, with steamed milk if u want coffee with milk - which eliminates the need for big coffee cups. but - no coffee to go other than starbucks - which tasted like piss compared to the 1 Euro coffee u could get at any bar - which, at an average of 2 bars per city block, makes a shitload of bars. and the starbucks sizes are all messed up too - theres no tall, grande and venti, there small, medium and large - and the small is tiny, the medium is like a tall, and the large is like a grande - there is no venti. and it costs 1.5 times as much as here. forget about burger king and mcdonalds - they cost maybe twice as much as here. thats why there's precious few of them there.
of the cool stuff: i got to spend some time with my 81 year old gramma, who, when asked how old she is says she just flips the digits and says she's 18 - she's hilarious :) got to hear her sing some old folklore and military songs, got to hear some wartime stories, and some stories from her lomg and hard life. grampa is still a mistery - he wont explain why he left for like 40 years, where and when he was born, what he did before and during the war, and recently he added more questions to the mix revealing that in the 50's he went to portugal and the canary islands. must have been while his wife was trying to feed her 3 daughters with no money and a broken wrist in the city. we're starting to figure he was a spy. he is quite intelligent.
ok - time to take a shower and back to dusty old construction. i'll continue this later ;)
then to spain. people smoking everywhere. well, in london too. stupid designated smoking areas that the smoke simply drifted out of - completely retarded. man, am i on a negative trip eh? :)
in spain and portugal - the road and highway signage was "inadequate" - often there was no signs, and when they were there, they were tiny and right at the turn u need to take. and confusing as hell - a huge sign above a highway that ur on, with up to 10 different highway signs and 2 cities - all going in ur direction - all these highways on one road? plus they've been changing their highway denomination system, so even the maps wer just piss poor, and even the newest ones werent well updated. they've been on this change for a couple years! the spanish just dont give a shit. often rude customer servie. half the stores were closed for vacation. 90% bathrooms had no toilet paper - especially annoying for girls. timers on lights in all public areas, sothe light would turn of like 3 times while ur taking a shit. everything in public areas was sticky - in england too - i guess they just wipe stuff down semi-anually. kitchens in bars etc close at like 2 or 3 pm or something - so u might be able to get a cold sandwich only. but the coffee was great - espeially in portugal - strong and delicious. but they dont even fuck around with brewing the stuff - they just do espresso, with steamed milk if u want coffee with milk - which eliminates the need for big coffee cups. but - no coffee to go other than starbucks - which tasted like piss compared to the 1 Euro coffee u could get at any bar - which, at an average of 2 bars per city block, makes a shitload of bars. and the starbucks sizes are all messed up too - theres no tall, grande and venti, there small, medium and large - and the small is tiny, the medium is like a tall, and the large is like a grande - there is no venti. and it costs 1.5 times as much as here. forget about burger king and mcdonalds - they cost maybe twice as much as here. thats why there's precious few of them there.
of the cool stuff: i got to spend some time with my 81 year old gramma, who, when asked how old she is says she just flips the digits and says she's 18 - she's hilarious :) got to hear her sing some old folklore and military songs, got to hear some wartime stories, and some stories from her lomg and hard life. grampa is still a mistery - he wont explain why he left for like 40 years, where and when he was born, what he did before and during the war, and recently he added more questions to the mix revealing that in the 50's he went to portugal and the canary islands. must have been while his wife was trying to feed her 3 daughters with no money and a broken wrist in the city. we're starting to figure he was a spy. he is quite intelligent.
ok - time to take a shower and back to dusty old construction. i'll continue this later ;)
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
i'm tired and feel like puking. i want to shut off the wants of the world around me. i want my way. pot or alcohol dont deal with the problems that make me feel like this, but they can ease the symptoms so soothingly...
i always forget that i probably only need a few minutes with a distraction, not focusing so much on my disomfort, and i'm much better :)
thats my theory on how pot and alcohol do their magic - they "dilute" the chemicals in the brain that let me think, making me a little less efficient, because less focused, and/or perhaps its the screening process - thoughts which are not driven by a high priority impulse are not weeded out as efficiently anymore - i get distracted, derailed from an obsessive train of thought. the priority loses its priority. tension dissipates. the realisation seeps thru that life can be beautiful.
i wonder if everybody is downer-driven. things have to be at the very least bi-polar - we must be motivated by bad things to avoid those bad things, and by good things to seek more of those good things. pretty blind process. i think we give ourselves too much credit when it comes to free will. the brain is just a convenient mutation of the nervous system. a complication of it, a turbo-charger on an engine inevitably bound for self-destruction. we'll just get there faster. we're a pest colony thats just too greedy for its own good. we keep inventing ways of taking more. and the less there is to take, the more aggressive it'll get. a healthy degree of aggresion in the individual will be more and more often the ticket. i wonder if society will wind tighter and tighter, the more docile portion of the population continuously being fucked out of existence. the ratio of competition versus co-operation will keep growing... but on the other hand, i wonder if we're actually heading in completely the opposite direction. the solitary, ultra-aggressive alpha-male is every now and then beaten by one who has a different trait, or set of traits to make up for his somewhat more mediocre aggression - smarts of some sort, charisma, pheromones, killer smile - whatever it is that makes other people like him. he harnesses the power of many "lesser" individuals - he's the politician. i guess there has to be some kinda balance between the push and the pull, the stick and the carrot - kiss babies, kill the competition. but nothing is static. things keep moving around and changing - until a new way of being for a system is found. all the different ways that people on earth can and have lived circumscribe the limits of how the human can live, as limited by the environment. and we have an impact on our environment - like any self-respecting life form would :)
but even that environment has limits on how much it can be changed, and although we can probably reach this limit - i dont think we would survive it. Terence McKenna pulled out from somewhere this theory that the earth is like some sort of embryo or otherwise a somewhat alive in a fringy sense "organism", and part of its "growing" or "becoming" (conscious or not) was the ocurrence of life-supporting if not outright life-spawning conditions, where all the life that has sprouted up since, is but a subsystem, not unlike all the friendly bacteria we have living inside our bodies, doing whatever it is they do, with the end result of us functioning well. its symbiosis at best. u lose some of them or have an imbalance - u might get diarrhea for a bit. but one of you survives, while their population is decimated. or maybe this is not nearly the end of the road yet. maybe all the flora and fauna is but the base of a huge pyramid-like support system for us... so we can make something really worthwhile and produce and network enough electronics and gather enough data, until we have wrought an "artificial" super-intelligence out of the earth's minerals. we've been messing around with what the earth is made of forever - working the earth, farming, mining, refining, building, shaping - that was just practice. we're starting to get better at it, so we can do finer work with it, until we build the earth a brain out of itself, out of its minerals. we might not recognize it for what it is until its too late. look at the internet. are we just blindly performing our function? here we are, thinking we're the shizznit. in the meantime we're a horde of blind slaves pushing huge rocks around, not realising we're being made to build a pyramid.
time for beddy - its 12:48
i always forget that i probably only need a few minutes with a distraction, not focusing so much on my disomfort, and i'm much better :)
thats my theory on how pot and alcohol do their magic - they "dilute" the chemicals in the brain that let me think, making me a little less efficient, because less focused, and/or perhaps its the screening process - thoughts which are not driven by a high priority impulse are not weeded out as efficiently anymore - i get distracted, derailed from an obsessive train of thought. the priority loses its priority. tension dissipates. the realisation seeps thru that life can be beautiful.
i wonder if everybody is downer-driven. things have to be at the very least bi-polar - we must be motivated by bad things to avoid those bad things, and by good things to seek more of those good things. pretty blind process. i think we give ourselves too much credit when it comes to free will. the brain is just a convenient mutation of the nervous system. a complication of it, a turbo-charger on an engine inevitably bound for self-destruction. we'll just get there faster. we're a pest colony thats just too greedy for its own good. we keep inventing ways of taking more. and the less there is to take, the more aggressive it'll get. a healthy degree of aggresion in the individual will be more and more often the ticket. i wonder if society will wind tighter and tighter, the more docile portion of the population continuously being fucked out of existence. the ratio of competition versus co-operation will keep growing... but on the other hand, i wonder if we're actually heading in completely the opposite direction. the solitary, ultra-aggressive alpha-male is every now and then beaten by one who has a different trait, or set of traits to make up for his somewhat more mediocre aggression - smarts of some sort, charisma, pheromones, killer smile - whatever it is that makes other people like him. he harnesses the power of many "lesser" individuals - he's the politician. i guess there has to be some kinda balance between the push and the pull, the stick and the carrot - kiss babies, kill the competition. but nothing is static. things keep moving around and changing - until a new way of being for a system is found. all the different ways that people on earth can and have lived circumscribe the limits of how the human can live, as limited by the environment. and we have an impact on our environment - like any self-respecting life form would :)
but even that environment has limits on how much it can be changed, and although we can probably reach this limit - i dont think we would survive it. Terence McKenna pulled out from somewhere this theory that the earth is like some sort of embryo or otherwise a somewhat alive in a fringy sense "organism", and part of its "growing" or "becoming" (conscious or not) was the ocurrence of life-supporting if not outright life-spawning conditions, where all the life that has sprouted up since, is but a subsystem, not unlike all the friendly bacteria we have living inside our bodies, doing whatever it is they do, with the end result of us functioning well. its symbiosis at best. u lose some of them or have an imbalance - u might get diarrhea for a bit. but one of you survives, while their population is decimated. or maybe this is not nearly the end of the road yet. maybe all the flora and fauna is but the base of a huge pyramid-like support system for us... so we can make something really worthwhile and produce and network enough electronics and gather enough data, until we have wrought an "artificial" super-intelligence out of the earth's minerals. we've been messing around with what the earth is made of forever - working the earth, farming, mining, refining, building, shaping - that was just practice. we're starting to get better at it, so we can do finer work with it, until we build the earth a brain out of itself, out of its minerals. we might not recognize it for what it is until its too late. look at the internet. are we just blindly performing our function? here we are, thinking we're the shizznit. in the meantime we're a horde of blind slaves pushing huge rocks around, not realising we're being made to build a pyramid.
time for beddy - its 12:48
Sunday, July 17, 2005
was Amundsen a man or a woman? for years i was sure it was a woman. i thought thats what they said in the song Heroes of the Antarctic (Heroes de la Antartida) by Mecano, a spanish band. but recently i thought i heard mention of Amundsen somewhere, and they said "man". so i checked online, and sure enough - a man. but the song wasnt about him. it was about the team that failed. the english, led by Scott, got to the south pole about 21 days after the norwegians. and they all died on their way back.
you can find the grueling story here.
you can find the grueling story here.
Friday, July 15, 2005
| Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Supertomek's Disorder | |
| Cause: | old library books |
| Symptoms: | excessive heartburn, howling at the moon, belching |
| Cure: | psychiatry |
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
so thanx to getting my little piece of paper, we promptly had a meeting in the office. i'm to become a project leader, being responsible for one site at first (which i've sorta already done before for them for $12/hr), then 2 and then more - for a new rate of $18/hr. to be re-evaluated in october. 18 is not much, but i guess it'll do - a raise is a raise.
i also think my gf and i are getting sick again :(
and we're supposed to go drinking with the guys this afternoon to cele-ma-brate my TQ/raise and i guess as a bit of a good-bye party for my present project manager who's moving back to his home town of calgary. we're all afraid of how things are gonna go like when he leaves. he was basically responsible for 3 sites, comprised of 7 towers and an ammenities/recreational building. that's pretty impressive. they wanna replace him with 2 guys. i think we might need 3 at the beginning...
i also think my gf and i are getting sick again :(
and we're supposed to go drinking with the guys this afternoon to cele-ma-brate my TQ/raise and i guess as a bit of a good-bye party for my present project manager who's moving back to his home town of calgary. we're all afraid of how things are gonna go like when he leaves. he was basically responsible for 3 sites, comprised of 7 towers and an ammenities/recreational building. that's pretty impressive. they wanna replace him with 2 guys. i think we might need 3 at the beginning...
Sunday, June 12, 2005
yes! :D
finally got an answer from the industry training peeps - and yes, they're pleased to inform me that i got it! :D i passed the TQ exam with a head spinning 91% - woo-hoo! so now that i'm a full fledged and certified alarm dude - time for a raise :)
and hopefully more interesting work. my baby took me out for din-din at earls, we had some martinis, pigged out on some good food, and agreed that we're gonna shoot for moving to europe for a year next summer. we'll see what comes of it, but we'd both like to see the world, and it just seems more plausible when ur based close to where ur trying to visit and then make trips here and there and everywhere... uh, from there :)
and having a specific deadline for it should definitely help in achieving it. we should also draw up a schedule - probably what kinda money we need to have saved up by when and what has to be taken care of - passports, loans, new jobs, stuff...
man - all of a sudden i feel so excited and it feels like i didnt really waste the whole weekend - even though i probably did...
:)
oh wait, how will this affect my linguistics/translation plans... it doesnt have to though. i have to make sure they mesh, thats all :)
i'm just a big, steaming pile of optimism right now :D
and hopefully more interesting work. my baby took me out for din-din at earls, we had some martinis, pigged out on some good food, and agreed that we're gonna shoot for moving to europe for a year next summer. we'll see what comes of it, but we'd both like to see the world, and it just seems more plausible when ur based close to where ur trying to visit and then make trips here and there and everywhere... uh, from there :)
and having a specific deadline for it should definitely help in achieving it. we should also draw up a schedule - probably what kinda money we need to have saved up by when and what has to be taken care of - passports, loans, new jobs, stuff...
man - all of a sudden i feel so excited and it feels like i didnt really waste the whole weekend - even though i probably did...
:)
oh wait, how will this affect my linguistics/translation plans... it doesnt have to though. i have to make sure they mesh, thats all :)
i'm just a big, steaming pile of optimism right now :D
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Saturday, May 07, 2005
does this city have enough friggin' potholes?!
it pisses me off - they make a road, and THEN they dig trenches every 5 feet to run shit into new houses or whatever, and then they patch them really shitty - what the fuck is the point?! isnt there any kind of inspections to make sure the road is repaired to a nearly identical state as it was before they dug it up? these assholes should be fined and then made to repair it until they get it right! i dont have an SUV because i didnt think i needed it living in the city! or *think* before u jump: when building any kinda road, account for all, or at least most, of the possible wiring and plumbing needed on both sides of the street and build pipes into the road as ur building it! no digging needed later! and the innumerable manholes on some roads - ALL like 2" below the level of the pavement! what the fuck is going on inside ur overpaid, fucken useless heads?! get those manhole covers that are flush with the pavement that fasten to the actual manhole so that car wheels dont slip them out of the holes. these things already exist! they're in use. this is the fucking 21st century! my fucking tax dollars hard at work.
same for cops. i pay the fuckers' huge salaries so they can pull me over and give me a ticket? fuck you! go fight some real crime! fucking east hastings is crawling with bums - they're all dealing crack, stealing shit to get more - breaking into cars of hardworking people, the insurance doesnt cover it because the window costs more than the deductible - what are u supposed to do? and the bums just keep asking for spare change. I DONT HAVE ANY SPARE CHANGE! i need all my change - i worked hard for it - its mine! get to fucken work. and hospital staff. why the fuck does it take so long to get into emergency? get more workers in there! there's ALWAYS a few hours wait - just get enough staff to take care of it. and the people working in there are completely apathetic because they're overworked and overtired - give them regular 8 hour shifts! or even shorter ones - since its a stressful job. but the hospital staff dont want short shifts - i found out they like the overtime! no overtime for you! it costs me too much! plus ur useless after working for a couple hours anyways! instead they bitch about how hard their jobs are and want more pay. hire more staff, pay them less, have them work shorter shifts so they're more rested and work better.
i realise i should spend this energy actually calling the politicians involved with the necessary decision making, but that would take more time and energy than i presently have. but if i do nothing - then i can be damn sure nothing will change! change has to be effected, someone has to push. and even if all the pushing i'm doing right now is bitching about it on my blog, my hope is that if enough people bitch about it, it will become a common enough topic of discussion and finally reach the critical mass needed to effect that change - be it by people feeling the power of the sheer number of people agreeing on the same idea and finally pushing the powers that be from all possible angles, or by the powers that be perceiving this potential and preemptively making the needed changes before the beast wakes up and wreaks some serious havoc.
phew. much better.
same for cops. i pay the fuckers' huge salaries so they can pull me over and give me a ticket? fuck you! go fight some real crime! fucking east hastings is crawling with bums - they're all dealing crack, stealing shit to get more - breaking into cars of hardworking people, the insurance doesnt cover it because the window costs more than the deductible - what are u supposed to do? and the bums just keep asking for spare change. I DONT HAVE ANY SPARE CHANGE! i need all my change - i worked hard for it - its mine! get to fucken work. and hospital staff. why the fuck does it take so long to get into emergency? get more workers in there! there's ALWAYS a few hours wait - just get enough staff to take care of it. and the people working in there are completely apathetic because they're overworked and overtired - give them regular 8 hour shifts! or even shorter ones - since its a stressful job. but the hospital staff dont want short shifts - i found out they like the overtime! no overtime for you! it costs me too much! plus ur useless after working for a couple hours anyways! instead they bitch about how hard their jobs are and want more pay. hire more staff, pay them less, have them work shorter shifts so they're more rested and work better.
i realise i should spend this energy actually calling the politicians involved with the necessary decision making, but that would take more time and energy than i presently have. but if i do nothing - then i can be damn sure nothing will change! change has to be effected, someone has to push. and even if all the pushing i'm doing right now is bitching about it on my blog, my hope is that if enough people bitch about it, it will become a common enough topic of discussion and finally reach the critical mass needed to effect that change - be it by people feeling the power of the sheer number of people agreeing on the same idea and finally pushing the powers that be from all possible angles, or by the powers that be perceiving this potential and preemptively making the needed changes before the beast wakes up and wreaks some serious havoc.
phew. much better.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
mr. mo
where i work, i've befriended this black guy from kenya. his name is mohammed. not sure if thats the spelling he uses but he's mr. mo to me. not that he's much older than me - i'd say he's 33.
i've seen him around lots. i know him because this guy who used to work with me - hash - was also muslim, so they had something in common. hash left the company to keep educating himself, but i kept saying hi to mr mo whenever i saw him. however, we never got past the smalltalk stage until recently, when i found out he's now married. he's been living in canada for a while, he's strayed from islam a bit - dating, partying once in a while. and in all those years, whenever he called home his mom would bug him about when he's getting married and all that jazz. finally he told his mom to find him a good wife over there, in kenya - he trusts her judgment. so a while later, his mom announces to him she's found someone. she told him what she knew about her. sounded interesting, so he asked for a picture. his mom talked to her family, and they gave her a picture of their daughter. from what i understood, she was wearing a burqa, so the picture wasnt very revealing. so mr mo asked for another picture. to which his mom responded that it would be inappropriate, since they'd already asked them for a picture, and received it. like it or not, mr. mo went to kenya, i guess got the equivalent of an engagement, and was finally permitted to talk to her on the phone.
"good god" - i thought.
i guess she sounded awrite, because soon thereafter mr mo got married!
and bingo-bango - shortly after he found out he was gonna be a daddy!!
good job mr mo!!! :D
now he's back in canada, working his butt off to get ready for the impending arrival of his wife. the stupid thing is, even though they're married, she's not allowed to come here with him until she gets cleared by immigration or whatever - which might not happen until after she gives birth.
when he was telling me the story, i told him that i understand it's his tradition/religion, but that i just couldnt do something like that - my thinking on the matter now is that a couple should live together for at least a while so they can find out what each other is like day to day. because life is more mundane day to day than exciting dates, booty calls or just occasional hanging out.
but mr mo says that his approach to marriage is very different from the start. a successfully married couple has to be determined that this is a lifetime deal. to mr mo, "western" relationships have doubt and uncertainty instilled right in them in the form of anniversaries. mr mo sees celebrating an anniversary as being happy that "we made it thru a month! a year! two years!" to me it's not exactly like that, but i suppose theres a little bit of that in there.
then mo went something like:
"there is no perfect matches. if someone finds a 50% match that's very good. the rest is just being determined to make it work. and knowing how to approach the relationship. a woman will every now and then try to push you, push your buttons, she will be cranky, maybe she's having a bad day, maybe its that time of the month, maybe its the moon, but you have to understand that this is her nature, it will happen in every relationship. you have to treat her like a rose, and never mind the thorns - just keep on watering and taking good care of her and she will blossom beautifully for you..."
he just about killed me with that one - it was funny, but it was beautiful! thats an awesome thing to keep in mind. i mean, i still think i'd like a bit more certainty on whom i'm going to marry, and i do believe that there should be a lot of determination in a marriage, but the "watering the thorny rose" analogy is just priceless. i wonder what he meant by the moon affecting a woman's disposition. well, i guess in western society some people also believe that the full moon tends to make people a little more crazy than usual.
and after i told my dad about this, he laughed and said "and if it doesnt work, then you can always 'trim' her a little..."
but let the record show my dad is not a misogynist, and treats my mom well.
i've seen him around lots. i know him because this guy who used to work with me - hash - was also muslim, so they had something in common. hash left the company to keep educating himself, but i kept saying hi to mr mo whenever i saw him. however, we never got past the smalltalk stage until recently, when i found out he's now married. he's been living in canada for a while, he's strayed from islam a bit - dating, partying once in a while. and in all those years, whenever he called home his mom would bug him about when he's getting married and all that jazz. finally he told his mom to find him a good wife over there, in kenya - he trusts her judgment. so a while later, his mom announces to him she's found someone. she told him what she knew about her. sounded interesting, so he asked for a picture. his mom talked to her family, and they gave her a picture of their daughter. from what i understood, she was wearing a burqa, so the picture wasnt very revealing. so mr mo asked for another picture. to which his mom responded that it would be inappropriate, since they'd already asked them for a picture, and received it. like it or not, mr. mo went to kenya, i guess got the equivalent of an engagement, and was finally permitted to talk to her on the phone.
"good god" - i thought.
i guess she sounded awrite, because soon thereafter mr mo got married!
and bingo-bango - shortly after he found out he was gonna be a daddy!!
good job mr mo!!! :D
now he's back in canada, working his butt off to get ready for the impending arrival of his wife. the stupid thing is, even though they're married, she's not allowed to come here with him until she gets cleared by immigration or whatever - which might not happen until after she gives birth.
when he was telling me the story, i told him that i understand it's his tradition/religion, but that i just couldnt do something like that - my thinking on the matter now is that a couple should live together for at least a while so they can find out what each other is like day to day. because life is more mundane day to day than exciting dates, booty calls or just occasional hanging out.
but mr mo says that his approach to marriage is very different from the start. a successfully married couple has to be determined that this is a lifetime deal. to mr mo, "western" relationships have doubt and uncertainty instilled right in them in the form of anniversaries. mr mo sees celebrating an anniversary as being happy that "we made it thru a month! a year! two years!" to me it's not exactly like that, but i suppose theres a little bit of that in there.
then mo went something like:
"there is no perfect matches. if someone finds a 50% match that's very good. the rest is just being determined to make it work. and knowing how to approach the relationship. a woman will every now and then try to push you, push your buttons, she will be cranky, maybe she's having a bad day, maybe its that time of the month, maybe its the moon, but you have to understand that this is her nature, it will happen in every relationship. you have to treat her like a rose, and never mind the thorns - just keep on watering and taking good care of her and she will blossom beautifully for you..."
he just about killed me with that one - it was funny, but it was beautiful! thats an awesome thing to keep in mind. i mean, i still think i'd like a bit more certainty on whom i'm going to marry, and i do believe that there should be a lot of determination in a marriage, but the "watering the thorny rose" analogy is just priceless. i wonder what he meant by the moon affecting a woman's disposition. well, i guess in western society some people also believe that the full moon tends to make people a little more crazy than usual.
and after i told my dad about this, he laughed and said "and if it doesnt work, then you can always 'trim' her a little..."
but let the record show my dad is not a misogynist, and treats my mom well.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
yesterday i saw gary brolsma's "numa numa" video and i loved it! :D
its totally addictive - the video and the song itself. i already have it on my mp3 player! :)
if you havent seen it yet - here's the link - turn your sound on first! :)
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/numanuma.html
its totally addictive - the video and the song itself. i already have it on my mp3 player! :)
if you havent seen it yet - here's the link - turn your sound on first! :)
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/numanuma.html
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
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