what a strange fetish - science fiction - science-based fiction. watchin the animatrix, i couldnt help but notice how it made me feel. i only had time to be forced to notice it when i went to the washroom to take a leak. i felt like things were possible, a coolness. the only thing i can think of that took me to a place like that before science fiction, was probably "kung-fu movies", ok - "martial arts movies", like "Enter the Dragon". (i am NOT putting the period inside the quotation marks. or the parentheses. or the brackets. the parentheses and brackets usually are contained within a sentence, and therefore will not contain the period, but rather the period will follow them, concluding the sentence, goddammit.) (the exception being the "aside" parentheses, containing a whole sentence, or several, that might be a commentary rather than part of the story - hence the parentheses - and so the sentences behave "normally", but these "asides" are demarcated by the parentheses. whether the period should be inside the parentheses or outside, should not be a rigid rule, but rather be dictated by whether or not the parenthesized content was itself a whole, a unit - um, i think i'm typing out my ass and so should check this out on wikipedia before opening my big keyboard.

um, i found in wikipedia that i had no idea of what i was talking about. in american english there is a convention or standard of having the period at the end of a sentence always inside the quotation marks, if there is a quotation at the end of the sentence, regardless of whether the period was actually included in the original of what was quoted. unless we're talking scientific or technical writing - then no. ( hehe, awesome sentence.) this rule was developed as a result of the need to protect the small and fragile pieces of type like the period and the comma behind the bigger and stronger quotation marks in the printing press.
and apparently the british convention is to use logical quotation.
and all this time i thought it was about parentheses - silly me :)
but i did find out that the british dont say "period" but rather "full stop", which in turn dispells some of my confusion about some of what the dopefiend says.
apparently "full stop" is sometimes used in canada, but i havent noticed. yet another word fallen victim to americanization here. right after chesterfield.

back to the main body, omitting parentheses and all, for now - martial arts movies and many sci-fi movies have made me feel like maybe more in life is possible than i've been led to believe. i wonder if anybody's done a study on what kind of class of people, what kind of personality trait is necessary to go for this sort of entertainment. what causes some people to be completely enthralled by this sort of communication, as opposed to ppl who love wwe wrestling.

what is it that makes us geeks?

havent posted in forever, and now is not the best of times, but whatev. a couple short things:

got a small buzz for half of yesterday from a vitamin B complex pill - weird. more pleasant than the Gingko stone, thats fo' sho'.

turns out outrageous comedian Louis de Funès was born in France, but his parents were from Seville. they just moved to France because their parents were opposed to their marriage.
here's a sample of his genius - the real shit starts ~40 seconds into it.
i first became aware of and intrigued by hallucinogens when i was a young boy, while watching a movie starring de Funès, where at some point de Funès' character ends up in some kinda hospital. while chilling in the hospital garden with many different patients, he somehow gets his meds mixed up with someone else's or something, and ends up dosing himself with some kinda hallucinogen. he doesnt seem to display any symptoms, until, to his utter surprise, he sees all the oranges fall off an orange tree, almost at once. followed by all the oranges jumping back up onto the tree! his jaw drops. all of a sudden he sees all the women in the garden walking around in their bikinis or naked. that's all i remember. i didnt know what was happening until my mom told me the pills he ate made him see that stuff. i was captivated by the idea.


turns out "Naked Lunch" was a bunch of manuscripts boiled down into a book long before it became a movie. they were written by William Burroughs while in Tangiers, and the drug use, homosexuality, writing, etc were all very much part of his life there - he just weirded them up a bit. having read about Burroughs has detracted from my fondness for the movie, which i'm yet to see sober and straight, but does provide some depth i guess. he has been quoted as saying: "I am forced to the appalling conclusion that I would have never become a writer but for Joan's death...". Joan was his wife. the fucked up thing is, he was the one who shot her dead while playing a drunken game of William Tell in Mexico. Burroughs was a really fucked up guy. i was gonna say troubled, but i chose fucked up, because he was.

time flies

wow - so much has happened since my last post...
...we started getting hints that phx might be pregnant again, we went to toronto to visit phx' family, then we went to niagara falls and got thoroughly soaked by mischievous winds, flew to germany, got one of our bags lost by an arrogant LTU check-in lady, visited phx' family in germany, went to the town where they make jagermeister - very cool town, went to poland for 3 weddings, got sick, got followed by rain everywhere we went, spazzed out time and again at the horrible roads and drivers in poland, and the lack of clothes dryers, decided that the european union has no idea what they're getting themselves into accepting poland into their ranks, because poland is evidently a 3rd world country, trying to get into the 2nd world. we ended up spending more time on the road than sightseeing, and forget about relaxing. then we drove back to berlin, flew to dusseldorf, and got separated by LTU which wouldnt allow me to fly back to canada because they didnt think my canadian citizenship card was proof enough that i'd be allowed back into canada. their single nice employee helped me get in touch with the canadian consulate, and i got an emergency passport about 3 hours after phx and boogie flew off to canada. i got a cheap hotel, a delish doner kebab, check out enchanting dusseldorf by night, and flew off back home next day. an eternity later i was greeted by the very pretty vancouver airport, and a retardedly long wait to get past the customs booths, followed by a nearly as retarded wait at immigration, where nothing was moving, where i was just supposed to drop off my stupid emergency passport, followed by another retarded wait to get out of the carousel area - the vancouver airport may look pretty, but has an unworkeable system of getting travelers through. next time i may fly to seattle. i've come to hate travelling though.
finally past all the waiting, i was greeted by phx and boogie with a flower - i was very glad to see them :)
in a couple of days we went to a carepoint walk-in clinic - this chain seems to hire mostly 'doctors' who are unprofessional enough to have their own successful practice, where one of their 'dudes' confirmed that phx is pregnant, and proceeded to prescribe her antibiotics which she'd just told him she allergic to.
i went back to work, which is still a clusterfuck, and my right front tire fell off - i'll be retiring my car, i think. then we went to visit phx' parents, enjoyed some great mother-in-law cooking, and saw the abomination that is 'stomp the yard' or whatever - which i give a rating of 5 beers to get through. it was like the fast and the furious of dancing, but worse.
found out dopefiend is in vancouver, visiting uncle weed, and hope they have some sort of meet-up with the fans before dopefiend goes back to london.

and i'm late for work again.

heroes

we dont have cable - or time - so i'm not up to speed with whats happening on tv these days. i've been hearing about this "heroes series", just that its pretty cool, and i've had the first 12 episodes for a while. phx and boogie just went to k-town, so i thought i'd take a look at some of the footage thats been sitting around, accumulating dust.
i gotta say - heroes is a whole other level of primetime tv. it just keeps undulating, the separate story lines are starting to coalesce, a new reality is starting to emerge, solidify, its rules are becoming more pronounced and coherent. and is that a shmoozy attempt to ensnare geekdom - probably the core target audience for the show in the first place, anyways - into an awed army of loyal fandom? or is it an originally unintended, but brilliant money-maker of a side effect?
although sometimes it does seem to be moving a bit too sluggishly. i mean, a bit of suspense is alright, but come on.
awrite - back to it :)

...then again, i just watched blade runner, and i'm guessing it was the first time i watched it straight, because i think i finally got it, and liked it, and found out where this sound byte from one of paul oakenfold's albums is (just before the "piledriver" i think), and it turns out the movie was based on philip k dick's "do androids dream of electric sheep?"

and in other news, i'm thinking that if humanity survives long enough, with enough ppl living at once, we'll end up having all the possible human conditions occurring somewhere around the world, at once. if its possible - it will eventually happen. no matter if its right or wrong. nature doesnt have a moral code. so we can look forward to wellbeing increasing together with suffering. there will be more crime, because there will be more people. but there will also be more people living well. but then there's economy. depleting resources. that'll tip the balances in favor of suffering.

bah, its 4:20. am. i should really get to sleep.

trying to pack for camping, but its midnight, i'm kinda tired, and theres still a bit to do. i had dreams of doing something different while camping this time - why go to all this trouble, drive so far into "wilderness", just to sit in one spot and get loaded, recover till noon next day, then repeat. twice. i mean, i think i tend to try and take some of this nature in a wee bit, but this time i wanted to do a little project - maybe build a raft out of whatever is available, or like a shack. but building a raft then trying to take it to the other shore of the lake, or to an island - that would rawk! :)
but i havent done my research, got no plan, so i guess we'll really have to try and improvise - big time. too late to grab a cordless drill from work and some big screws. but i wonder if i could find some big nails at my 'rents tomorrow morning... and a hammer. no - a hatchet would be more useful :) hmm, a couple more minutes pondering this and i will have a plan! :D but its supposed to rain a bit all day tomorrow. well, hope all the peeps already there have put up a tarp so we can have a fire... on which i can roast these kick-ass cheddar+jalapeno smokies i got today! :) man, havent had those in years... good times :)
talked to mr. mo for a bit today. the dude's got some interesting things to say sometimes. i thought he was from kenya so i asked him - yes he was. so i told him how i know this chick who went down to kenya to volunteer at a countryside orphanage for a bit, and then she's planning to make her way down to south africa. mr. mo said that apparently there's lots of volunteers and people like that in kenya, and quite a few english teachers, etc, but he said that a lot of them are "fubus". waza? "cia" he says. whaa???
turns out that kenya is quite the melting pot, with many different peoples, and among them refugees, as well as "terrorists" (he used the "finger quotation marks") and other people who are hiding out for some reason or another. and so there's apparently a bit of an intelligence agent community present, mostly to gather info. right away i thought of Interzone out of the movie "Naked Lunch", which i've vowed to one day actually buy and watch for a third time , but sober for a change. so far i think i quite like it :) i found out recently that it was made by the same guy that did "eXistenZ" or whatev the spelling, which i bought long ago but only recently finally watched. what a psychedelic dude - really funky shit. i think its david cronenberg.
so anyways, it was pretty cool to hear a bit of an opinion on africa from someone from there - i guess the word would be a "native". apparently theres quite an ethnic indian population in kenya, but apparently the perception of them by the black population is that they're not hard workers and all they do is talk about people behind their backs. but other than that, mr. mo says that people in east africa are generally friendly and welcoming. but the further north and west you go in africa, the worse the people get. apparently the people in northern sudan think themselves to be arabs and therefore superior to the non-arab population. cool to hear interesting little bits of info, even if it is somebody's opinion - right or wrong.
ok, its a quarter after 1 am - better finish packing and get to bed :)

the life quaquatic

we watched "The Life Aquatic" recently. it wasnt really all that, but it's got its points. i really like the locations, like in "The Royal Tennenbaums" by the same director. i think i've noticed the dude often sets the camera either somewhat low, or in some other way tries to include all of a room/space in the screen, with some really cool floor shots, cool looking lobbies, hallways, alleys, etc. and i dont know what it is, but it seems the picture is often crisper than in other movies. hehe - i wouldnt make a very good movie critic :) i've never particularly liked bill murray because his face seems expressionless most of the time, but i guess thats what he gets hired for - some people must like that i guess. he's much more alive behind the scenes in "the making of". there's a bunch of cool things in this movie, and i think its the unexpected stuff in it - like the pace or mood of the movie is pretty chill, but then there's these gunfight scenes - pretty cool. and the music is priceless - like the soundtrack is this cheap 80's synth tunage - pretty sweet :) another part of the soundtack is having this black dude, who later on i found is the brazillian musician seu jorge, singing acoustic adaptations of david bowie songs in portuguese. i like the sound of portuguese - it used to sound russian to me, and there's something about portuguese-language music that's unique, but i guess i dont know enough about music to really analyse it. actually, probably most of the examples i can think of are brazillian, so maybe i just like brazillian music. acoustic music especially, i think. i thought seu jorge sang/played out of tune sometimes, and maybe he did and they still put it in the movie, or maybe i heard wrong, but some other times i really liked what he did. i think he gave these classic songs a new, more sentimental sound, and it really fit well. supposedly his portuguese lyrics arent really that good, but to someone who doesnt understand, its just got this cool sound to it :) it seems like most people end up liking his version of "Life on Mars?" and something else - i was just taken in by the life on mars so much that i dont know what else i might have liked. plus the dude's deep, black voice, probably seasoned by what seems like chain-smoking, makes the tunes sound so much better! i never really got into bowie's whiny bits. anywho, looks like seu jorge is coming to town in june, so i'm pretty psyched and am gonna try to get some tickets :)

i just saw "Desperado" - what a stupid movie. there's some cool-ish stuff in it, but i still dont get what the fuck was supposed to be happening. oh well.
i guess i feel like life sucks when whatever happens makes me feel crappy, especially when there's a couple of those things. emotions suck. those bad ones. wish i could turn those bad ones off and just logically figure things out. because i do like those good ones, just hate the bad ones. i guess its kinda like a drug - when u choose to live with one, theres good things and bad things attached. but i guess emotions are a kinda "logic" thats hardwired into us. there is no meaning to life - it just is. we're here - guess might as well do something with it. i keep thinking of getting stoned, but cant avoid thinking that a stoned lifestyle is not all that either - the memory problems, the mood swings after, the logic errors. a friend of mine recently said that life is as you perceive it, and thats all that matters. but just because a problem is not bothering you, doesnt mean that the problem is not there. just fucking problems everywhere. i dont even know what the fuck i'm saying

i just saw this movie "sideways" and this movie "hellion". hellion turned out to be an australian movie. sideways had a guy who was about to marry in a week , screwing this chick he just met 3 ways from sunday. i thunk it was kinda... uncool. i was hoping he would decide not to marry the chick he was gonna marry - would have been probably better for her too. but hey - he screwed her good. his wife not-to-be and his... fuck-puppet. well, he actually did marry the chick he was going to. after being severily beaten with a motorcycle helmet. felt pretty good :)
this must have been the first, or one of the first times that i'd gotten drunk on red wine. red wine and ginger ale.
pok 0 wine caa in ye poj0ghiste snnnns

ok - i have no idea what that that just said - but i sure hope that its not a nobel morir

which again - i dont kno what thsats about, but i hope every one enjoys themselves;)

ciao! ;)

once upon a time i commented on shenry's blog...


"dude - so feel for ur paw... in the name of all canadians, i'd like to say that i'm very sorry.
i guess we've come to an understanding that border dudes tend to be frustrated cop wanna-be's, and i figure this attitude of "protecting" ur country and the qualified peeps in it is deffinitely encouraged from their superiors. on both sides.
my brother once wanted to go on a crazy motorcycle tour after he graduated from the local tech institute: down the coast, and then maybe a bit east, and then back up to canada. he was gonna check out area 51, grand canyon, umm... what else is there to check out? ;)
so anywho, the border-fuck asked him what he's doin', howcome he's got this big back-pack, so my bro told him, and then he was asked if he's working. "well, no" he said, "just graduated." i think they told him to pull over, and then that dude or some other dude came out of their little building and handed him this piece of paper and started telling him he's been denied entry and wont be allowed entry until he proves that he's working in canada and pays his bills, and bla bla bla. my bro was just astonished, looking at the paper he was just handed, trying to make sense of it, his trip took some planning, and now it wasnt going to happen. and the border fuck is like "look at me when i'm talking to you!"
anyways, my bro got turned around and sent back home, and hasnt had much inkling to go down south since.
recently, while crossing the border to visit phx' family, i glimpsed some kinda little poster-type thing, almost as if targeted at the border fucks, saying something about them being the representatives of their country, and so to act professional or something. maybe thats the thing to do: when one of them gives u attitude, ask to see his manager, and write to all gov't representatives above him, as far up as possible.
i seriously dislike going down to the states, and really mostly because of the attitude at the border. that and the flag-flying and ribbon-stickering everywhere. someone in china had a great idea and made millions off these new american nationalistic sentiments. they're doing canada pretty good too, but thank god we havent been hit by ribbon-sticker mania just yet. but other than that, i remember noticing how nice i thought some people in san francisco were, and i've heard from phx' mom that once people sorta got to know them, they, in general, turned out to be pretty nice too. i guess people are people, anywhere u look, but its not necessarily that governments are evil, either, because governments tend to be the mere shadows cast by big business. thank you noam chomski :)
that logic works for me: business creates the facade that government is, to create seemingly legitimate laws that create an environment that most facilitates the flow of wealth from as many sources as possible to said business. i wonder if, in their greed to harvest from ever larger markets, trans-national corporations will be the end of countries... oops! look at the european union :D i guess that will be the end of idiot border guards, and an influx of idiot mall security...
but in the meantime, there's plenty of businesses that depend on the countries they're based in for protection from pesky competition, in forms such as import taxes and duties, tax breaks for themselves, subsidies, etc. and if they can keep these convenient structures in place by making small, tax-deductible donations to political organizations, just so they can recruit more people for their cause, then why the hell not - its a very logical investment! as long as the politics game continues, government stays in place, the public's attention is on it, and not on the actual shadow-casting powers that be, and the money keeps flowing. so i guess the NAFTA problems are just the struggles between trans-national corporations and single-country based companies: the big guys want nafta, the "small" guys dont. seems to me like big corps got us little peeps in their pocket: we like the cheaper stuff they're able to provide, and we wanna work for them because they pay more, or at least got benefits or something. unless people start acting more along non-economic lines. but then i think of the fair trade coffee thing, and how corporations have adjusted to that. also - is that all the choice we have? support big business or huge? but it wasnt always like that - there was the seemingly business-less communist idea. but that didnt seem to last very long. maybe because of man's seemingly built-in sense of greed, in all its colors and shades. greed is such an ugly word - how about gathering instinct..? with the twist that jealousy provides, because even if you think you have enough, the next guy has more, and if the unforseen occurs and he survives because he has that much more and u die? i wouldnt think this would be conscious - more like a hardwired reflex which u inherited because ur predecessors survived thanks to that reflex, and those who didnt ... didnt. now, a question straight out of "Dune" - are u a human, whose mental ability has evolved to be stronger than the hardwired reflex of an animal? will you survive, or will u die?
hehe, politcs and evolution - i always seem to end up babbling about those :)
but back to paw - maybe the border fucks found it somewhat suspicious that anyone would want to go to a colder place for vacation. and there's plenty of pot up here too, so unless paw's got a killer strain and nothing else does it for him, or he doesnt want any pesticides... i also figure its good to go when its busy, so they just want to get everyone thru and be done with it.
i was also wondering what paw does out there, just being a hermit? just has enough daily chores to keep himself busy enough? or is he like writing books? just wondering what a guy would do all by himself all the time.
ok, time for beddy :) "

recently i've been thinking about the movie "7 degrees of separation" or somethig like that. i've never seen it but i've got the idea that its about how everyone is separated from anyone else in the world by a max or average of 7 people - meaning, i know a guy that knows a guy that knows a guy that knows a guy that knows a guy that knows a guy that knows the president, or something like that. i thunk of it because i found it kinda cool that i know a guy whose nephew plays in the NFL for the florida team - whoever they happen to be. and then i thought how i also know a guy whose aunt used to be married to a guy who was a drummer for bob marley for a while. funny enough, same guy has an uncle who either IS like a world renowned crickett superstar or he has another nephew who is - dont remember exactly anymore - i was told after a few mojito pitchers and some smoke. both famous dudes are related to my friend by marriage though, because he's white as my ass :) but he's a very cool dude, so let the record show that the similarity of pigmentation of my friend and my posterior has had no detrimental effect on my friend whatsoever. man, i'm starting to write weird - must be late. then i know this dude who used to run a hair salon with a buddy, which was really only a front for their drug superstore. then i kinda know this chick who went out on a date with samuel l. jackson. i know dudes who used to hang out with biff naked when they were all small time hardcore rockers. she got big, but they still supposedly chill occasionally. seen a few NHL stars around, worked in some of their houses when they were being constructed. my buddy's gf used to babysit for one of them. etc etc
so i know ppl who know ppl. hehe - too bad i dont know any celebrities personally :) but its an astoundingly small world sometimes. like my ex gf in toronto, turned out to be a longtime friend of a buddy of mine from accross the country. or my brother's ex gf like 2 or 3 years later met up and dated my bob marley related friend. shit - i think that guy must be the best 'connected' yet. damn, i think that must be right. apparently he did some work at a place that belongs to the richest man in china - then they hung out a bit - dude is supposedly a sweetheart. i wondered out loud to my friend whether the nice rich old man got rich because he was a ruthless businessman in his youth, and now that his hormones have chilled out he's nice and everybody likes him. but lets not kill yet another ideal and hope he's always been nice and thats one of the keys to his astounding success :)
ok - time for beddy. but i gotta rent that movie. or borrow it from the library :)

just got woken up by my friend calling me from a line-up i was supposed to be with him in. i dont see him much these days since i have a full time girlfriend, but every now and then he tries to keep in touch by inviting me to hang out. i rarely actually do come out, but he keeps trying. this time i actually said i would come out - he and his gf and 1 or 2 other couples are going to an improv comedy show. but last night i went out with a bunch of mexicans and had a blast, so today i'm a bit hungover. i had to cancel 2 other plans for today because i wasnt feeling too hot, plus my gf was quite upset with me going out last night when she wanted me to stay with her. long story, but today i'm trying to make up for that, so that was a big part of the reason for the 2 cancellations. but i didnt wanna cancel on my improv commitment. we went out with my gf to do a map run and hang out together, and when we got back she went for a nap, and after a while i joined her. of course the nap extended a bit too much and now i didnt show up to line up for the show. fucken bullshit. i just fucken cant. i feel helpless.

so maybe enough bitching for a minute.
this morning i saw the remainder of the movie "Steal this movie", which i started watching probably a week ago. its about the life of Abbie Hoffman from the time he started his political activism. it would be an ok movie if it was just fiction - but thats just it - this is this dude's life. that actually happened. i'm gonna buy this movie - not steal it - because i want to watch it every now and then to keep reminding myself of the importance of standing up for whats right, i want to keep waking up from this apathy which seems to keep engulfing me like a dreamy fog. these days we know whats going on more than the people in the 60's, but we seem to have just given up. we're trying to keep up with the rat race, and the precious little spare time we have we want to enjoy. whether by design or not - this set up is effectively keeping the masses at bay. too much free time might make it too easy for a critical mass of people who might question and even try to change reality to form. agh - that was an awkward sentence. oh well - exercise that brain :)
thats another thing i thunk of today - not sure it was always like this, but it seems to me like ppl are more preoccupied with the way a message might be presented rather than with the message itself. the way something looks or sounds is more important than what its actually trying to convey. i caught myself leaning toward discrediting the validity of what some people were trying to say just because they were fumbling with words too much. they still had a message - they were just delivering it in a spontaneous, unplanned and so perhaps not the most logical or easy to grasp way.

*sigh*
glad i got that off my chest :)

the week just keeps getting better :)

granted - monday sucked. but tuesday was deffinitely better - and now at the end of wednesday i'm really happy :)
just got back home from watching the old Dune movie at my parents'. and my gf liked it! :D
hella cool :)
i just need to find the looong version somewhere, on dvd if i can. i'm already asking my gf if she wants to see the remake and then the children of dune.
its been a while since i first saw that movie in its entirety - on acid :)
that same night i also saw the new version. and i've seen the old version a few times since, and it still reveals something new to me every time i see it. i think i'd give partial credit for liking the movie to acid's "awe and wonder" effect, but every time i've seen it after (straight), that's only been reinforced. one day i've got to find the time to read the book - there must be so much more in there than even the "looong" version of the movie is able to convey! hehe - i wonder if there's a version of it on tape or cd somewhere...
i used to read so much, i loved it! but since i started working - there's just been no time. working and partying. and watching tv. and got a car. and loans. and a gf. now i dont even have time to party. hardly ever at all. and the only reading i ever do is online. or tech manuals.
whine whine - bitch bitch.
this really cool portuguese guy Antonio who's about 50 sometimes starts talking about his problems, like many other people, but then he stops himself and says "ah, but thats my problems - u dont need to hear about that". and one time he threw in "in my language we say 'but lets talk about better things. so whats the price of a funeral these days?'" dude's hilarious. he'd recently moved here with his wife and 2 kids pursuing a dream, an adventure - to live in the beautiful experiment in true multiculturalism that canada is. but its tough to start from scratch. at 50. but he's glad he's pursuing his dream - despite their difficulties and disillusions. a runaway mid-life crisis? perhaps - but what an effect! what an adventure! and he can still decide to go back home if things dont work out here. and he will be that much richer a person. very interesting and inspiring dude to listen to.
ok - time for beddy ;)

bleh...

man - its like 11pm - life sux - my gf is on a downer again, unsure of our relationship, went for icecream with a neighbour back home with whom she almost got in a relationship back in the day. i guess i have doubts about us too, but its always harder to be dumped than to dump, sucks not to be in control. plus i'm tired so everything sucks that much extra.
my gf just came back online - guess i'm gonna talk to her.
talking to my gf right now - sounds like the icecream with neighbour didnt go too well...
oh - icecream and movie was fine - but then he said he was going to sleep cause he was tired, and so she left and then a bit later he drove off in his car somewhere - didnt feel like sleeping anymore? maybe.
anywho - my gf is sounding much more positive and sounds more committed to our relationship again. i hate rollercoasters like this. maybe one day we will have to finally decide that our respective ways of living are unacceptable in some way to one another. well, i hope we could remain friends - but that happens so rarely. but i do care for her a lot and want to be there to help when she needs it.

today was such a wasted day. yesterday i went to my boss' barbecue - many hours and vodka shooters later i must have passed out in the bathroom after puking my guts out. and i guess the boss and probably one of the senior tech's must have carried me back to the living room to the couch. yup - that surely must have won me their respect and admiration.
oh well - live and learn.
so today was spent mostly on recuperating from yesterday. i watched most of the 5th element - which i'd bought recently. and read all of my gf's blog for the month.
well - time to get going - i wanna sleep at my gf's place in new west - i should probably still do the dishes there, like i said i would. we'll see.