was Amundsen a man or a woman? for years i was sure it was a woman. i thought thats what they said in the song Heroes of the Antarctic (Heroes de la Antartida) by Mecano, a spanish band. but recently i thought i heard mention of Amundsen somewhere, and they said "man". so i checked online, and sure enough - a man. but the song wasnt about him. it was about the team that failed. the english, led by Scott, got to the south pole about 21 days after the norwegians. and they all died on their way back.
you can find the grueling story here.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Friday, July 15, 2005
| Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Supertomek's Disorder | |
| Cause: | old library books |
| Symptoms: | excessive heartburn, howling at the moon, belching |
| Cure: | psychiatry |
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
so thanx to getting my little piece of paper, we promptly had a meeting in the office. i'm to become a project leader, being responsible for one site at first (which i've sorta already done before for them for $12/hr), then 2 and then more - for a new rate of $18/hr. to be re-evaluated in october. 18 is not much, but i guess it'll do - a raise is a raise.
i also think my gf and i are getting sick again :(
and we're supposed to go drinking with the guys this afternoon to cele-ma-brate my TQ/raise and i guess as a bit of a good-bye party for my present project manager who's moving back to his home town of calgary. we're all afraid of how things are gonna go like when he leaves. he was basically responsible for 3 sites, comprised of 7 towers and an ammenities/recreational building. that's pretty impressive. they wanna replace him with 2 guys. i think we might need 3 at the beginning...
i also think my gf and i are getting sick again :(
and we're supposed to go drinking with the guys this afternoon to cele-ma-brate my TQ/raise and i guess as a bit of a good-bye party for my present project manager who's moving back to his home town of calgary. we're all afraid of how things are gonna go like when he leaves. he was basically responsible for 3 sites, comprised of 7 towers and an ammenities/recreational building. that's pretty impressive. they wanna replace him with 2 guys. i think we might need 3 at the beginning...
Sunday, June 12, 2005
yes! :D
finally got an answer from the industry training peeps - and yes, they're pleased to inform me that i got it! :D i passed the TQ exam with a head spinning 91% - woo-hoo! so now that i'm a full fledged and certified alarm dude - time for a raise :)
and hopefully more interesting work. my baby took me out for din-din at earls, we had some martinis, pigged out on some good food, and agreed that we're gonna shoot for moving to europe for a year next summer. we'll see what comes of it, but we'd both like to see the world, and it just seems more plausible when ur based close to where ur trying to visit and then make trips here and there and everywhere... uh, from there :)
and having a specific deadline for it should definitely help in achieving it. we should also draw up a schedule - probably what kinda money we need to have saved up by when and what has to be taken care of - passports, loans, new jobs, stuff...
man - all of a sudden i feel so excited and it feels like i didnt really waste the whole weekend - even though i probably did...
:)
oh wait, how will this affect my linguistics/translation plans... it doesnt have to though. i have to make sure they mesh, thats all :)
i'm just a big, steaming pile of optimism right now :D
and hopefully more interesting work. my baby took me out for din-din at earls, we had some martinis, pigged out on some good food, and agreed that we're gonna shoot for moving to europe for a year next summer. we'll see what comes of it, but we'd both like to see the world, and it just seems more plausible when ur based close to where ur trying to visit and then make trips here and there and everywhere... uh, from there :)
and having a specific deadline for it should definitely help in achieving it. we should also draw up a schedule - probably what kinda money we need to have saved up by when and what has to be taken care of - passports, loans, new jobs, stuff...
man - all of a sudden i feel so excited and it feels like i didnt really waste the whole weekend - even though i probably did...
:)
oh wait, how will this affect my linguistics/translation plans... it doesnt have to though. i have to make sure they mesh, thats all :)
i'm just a big, steaming pile of optimism right now :D
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Saturday, May 07, 2005
does this city have enough friggin' potholes?!
it pisses me off - they make a road, and THEN they dig trenches every 5 feet to run shit into new houses or whatever, and then they patch them really shitty - what the fuck is the point?! isnt there any kind of inspections to make sure the road is repaired to a nearly identical state as it was before they dug it up? these assholes should be fined and then made to repair it until they get it right! i dont have an SUV because i didnt think i needed it living in the city! or *think* before u jump: when building any kinda road, account for all, or at least most, of the possible wiring and plumbing needed on both sides of the street and build pipes into the road as ur building it! no digging needed later! and the innumerable manholes on some roads - ALL like 2" below the level of the pavement! what the fuck is going on inside ur overpaid, fucken useless heads?! get those manhole covers that are flush with the pavement that fasten to the actual manhole so that car wheels dont slip them out of the holes. these things already exist! they're in use. this is the fucking 21st century! my fucking tax dollars hard at work.
same for cops. i pay the fuckers' huge salaries so they can pull me over and give me a ticket? fuck you! go fight some real crime! fucking east hastings is crawling with bums - they're all dealing crack, stealing shit to get more - breaking into cars of hardworking people, the insurance doesnt cover it because the window costs more than the deductible - what are u supposed to do? and the bums just keep asking for spare change. I DONT HAVE ANY SPARE CHANGE! i need all my change - i worked hard for it - its mine! get to fucken work. and hospital staff. why the fuck does it take so long to get into emergency? get more workers in there! there's ALWAYS a few hours wait - just get enough staff to take care of it. and the people working in there are completely apathetic because they're overworked and overtired - give them regular 8 hour shifts! or even shorter ones - since its a stressful job. but the hospital staff dont want short shifts - i found out they like the overtime! no overtime for you! it costs me too much! plus ur useless after working for a couple hours anyways! instead they bitch about how hard their jobs are and want more pay. hire more staff, pay them less, have them work shorter shifts so they're more rested and work better.
i realise i should spend this energy actually calling the politicians involved with the necessary decision making, but that would take more time and energy than i presently have. but if i do nothing - then i can be damn sure nothing will change! change has to be effected, someone has to push. and even if all the pushing i'm doing right now is bitching about it on my blog, my hope is that if enough people bitch about it, it will become a common enough topic of discussion and finally reach the critical mass needed to effect that change - be it by people feeling the power of the sheer number of people agreeing on the same idea and finally pushing the powers that be from all possible angles, or by the powers that be perceiving this potential and preemptively making the needed changes before the beast wakes up and wreaks some serious havoc.
phew. much better.
same for cops. i pay the fuckers' huge salaries so they can pull me over and give me a ticket? fuck you! go fight some real crime! fucking east hastings is crawling with bums - they're all dealing crack, stealing shit to get more - breaking into cars of hardworking people, the insurance doesnt cover it because the window costs more than the deductible - what are u supposed to do? and the bums just keep asking for spare change. I DONT HAVE ANY SPARE CHANGE! i need all my change - i worked hard for it - its mine! get to fucken work. and hospital staff. why the fuck does it take so long to get into emergency? get more workers in there! there's ALWAYS a few hours wait - just get enough staff to take care of it. and the people working in there are completely apathetic because they're overworked and overtired - give them regular 8 hour shifts! or even shorter ones - since its a stressful job. but the hospital staff dont want short shifts - i found out they like the overtime! no overtime for you! it costs me too much! plus ur useless after working for a couple hours anyways! instead they bitch about how hard their jobs are and want more pay. hire more staff, pay them less, have them work shorter shifts so they're more rested and work better.
i realise i should spend this energy actually calling the politicians involved with the necessary decision making, but that would take more time and energy than i presently have. but if i do nothing - then i can be damn sure nothing will change! change has to be effected, someone has to push. and even if all the pushing i'm doing right now is bitching about it on my blog, my hope is that if enough people bitch about it, it will become a common enough topic of discussion and finally reach the critical mass needed to effect that change - be it by people feeling the power of the sheer number of people agreeing on the same idea and finally pushing the powers that be from all possible angles, or by the powers that be perceiving this potential and preemptively making the needed changes before the beast wakes up and wreaks some serious havoc.
phew. much better.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
mr. mo
where i work, i've befriended this black guy from kenya. his name is mohammed. not sure if thats the spelling he uses but he's mr. mo to me. not that he's much older than me - i'd say he's 33.
i've seen him around lots. i know him because this guy who used to work with me - hash - was also muslim, so they had something in common. hash left the company to keep educating himself, but i kept saying hi to mr mo whenever i saw him. however, we never got past the smalltalk stage until recently, when i found out he's now married. he's been living in canada for a while, he's strayed from islam a bit - dating, partying once in a while. and in all those years, whenever he called home his mom would bug him about when he's getting married and all that jazz. finally he told his mom to find him a good wife over there, in kenya - he trusts her judgment. so a while later, his mom announces to him she's found someone. she told him what she knew about her. sounded interesting, so he asked for a picture. his mom talked to her family, and they gave her a picture of their daughter. from what i understood, she was wearing a burqa, so the picture wasnt very revealing. so mr mo asked for another picture. to which his mom responded that it would be inappropriate, since they'd already asked them for a picture, and received it. like it or not, mr. mo went to kenya, i guess got the equivalent of an engagement, and was finally permitted to talk to her on the phone.
"good god" - i thought.
i guess she sounded awrite, because soon thereafter mr mo got married!
and bingo-bango - shortly after he found out he was gonna be a daddy!!
good job mr mo!!! :D
now he's back in canada, working his butt off to get ready for the impending arrival of his wife. the stupid thing is, even though they're married, she's not allowed to come here with him until she gets cleared by immigration or whatever - which might not happen until after she gives birth.
when he was telling me the story, i told him that i understand it's his tradition/religion, but that i just couldnt do something like that - my thinking on the matter now is that a couple should live together for at least a while so they can find out what each other is like day to day. because life is more mundane day to day than exciting dates, booty calls or just occasional hanging out.
but mr mo says that his approach to marriage is very different from the start. a successfully married couple has to be determined that this is a lifetime deal. to mr mo, "western" relationships have doubt and uncertainty instilled right in them in the form of anniversaries. mr mo sees celebrating an anniversary as being happy that "we made it thru a month! a year! two years!" to me it's not exactly like that, but i suppose theres a little bit of that in there.
then mo went something like:
"there is no perfect matches. if someone finds a 50% match that's very good. the rest is just being determined to make it work. and knowing how to approach the relationship. a woman will every now and then try to push you, push your buttons, she will be cranky, maybe she's having a bad day, maybe its that time of the month, maybe its the moon, but you have to understand that this is her nature, it will happen in every relationship. you have to treat her like a rose, and never mind the thorns - just keep on watering and taking good care of her and she will blossom beautifully for you..."
he just about killed me with that one - it was funny, but it was beautiful! thats an awesome thing to keep in mind. i mean, i still think i'd like a bit more certainty on whom i'm going to marry, and i do believe that there should be a lot of determination in a marriage, but the "watering the thorny rose" analogy is just priceless. i wonder what he meant by the moon affecting a woman's disposition. well, i guess in western society some people also believe that the full moon tends to make people a little more crazy than usual.
and after i told my dad about this, he laughed and said "and if it doesnt work, then you can always 'trim' her a little..."
but let the record show my dad is not a misogynist, and treats my mom well.
i've seen him around lots. i know him because this guy who used to work with me - hash - was also muslim, so they had something in common. hash left the company to keep educating himself, but i kept saying hi to mr mo whenever i saw him. however, we never got past the smalltalk stage until recently, when i found out he's now married. he's been living in canada for a while, he's strayed from islam a bit - dating, partying once in a while. and in all those years, whenever he called home his mom would bug him about when he's getting married and all that jazz. finally he told his mom to find him a good wife over there, in kenya - he trusts her judgment. so a while later, his mom announces to him she's found someone. she told him what she knew about her. sounded interesting, so he asked for a picture. his mom talked to her family, and they gave her a picture of their daughter. from what i understood, she was wearing a burqa, so the picture wasnt very revealing. so mr mo asked for another picture. to which his mom responded that it would be inappropriate, since they'd already asked them for a picture, and received it. like it or not, mr. mo went to kenya, i guess got the equivalent of an engagement, and was finally permitted to talk to her on the phone.
"good god" - i thought.
i guess she sounded awrite, because soon thereafter mr mo got married!
and bingo-bango - shortly after he found out he was gonna be a daddy!!
good job mr mo!!! :D
now he's back in canada, working his butt off to get ready for the impending arrival of his wife. the stupid thing is, even though they're married, she's not allowed to come here with him until she gets cleared by immigration or whatever - which might not happen until after she gives birth.
when he was telling me the story, i told him that i understand it's his tradition/religion, but that i just couldnt do something like that - my thinking on the matter now is that a couple should live together for at least a while so they can find out what each other is like day to day. because life is more mundane day to day than exciting dates, booty calls or just occasional hanging out.
but mr mo says that his approach to marriage is very different from the start. a successfully married couple has to be determined that this is a lifetime deal. to mr mo, "western" relationships have doubt and uncertainty instilled right in them in the form of anniversaries. mr mo sees celebrating an anniversary as being happy that "we made it thru a month! a year! two years!" to me it's not exactly like that, but i suppose theres a little bit of that in there.
then mo went something like:
"there is no perfect matches. if someone finds a 50% match that's very good. the rest is just being determined to make it work. and knowing how to approach the relationship. a woman will every now and then try to push you, push your buttons, she will be cranky, maybe she's having a bad day, maybe its that time of the month, maybe its the moon, but you have to understand that this is her nature, it will happen in every relationship. you have to treat her like a rose, and never mind the thorns - just keep on watering and taking good care of her and she will blossom beautifully for you..."
he just about killed me with that one - it was funny, but it was beautiful! thats an awesome thing to keep in mind. i mean, i still think i'd like a bit more certainty on whom i'm going to marry, and i do believe that there should be a lot of determination in a marriage, but the "watering the thorny rose" analogy is just priceless. i wonder what he meant by the moon affecting a woman's disposition. well, i guess in western society some people also believe that the full moon tends to make people a little more crazy than usual.
and after i told my dad about this, he laughed and said "and if it doesnt work, then you can always 'trim' her a little..."
but let the record show my dad is not a misogynist, and treats my mom well.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
yesterday i saw gary brolsma's "numa numa" video and i loved it! :D
its totally addictive - the video and the song itself. i already have it on my mp3 player! :)
if you havent seen it yet - here's the link - turn your sound on first! :)
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/numanuma.html
its totally addictive - the video and the song itself. i already have it on my mp3 player! :)
if you havent seen it yet - here's the link - turn your sound on first! :)
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/numanuma.html
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
fuck dinner, fuck everything, stop everything for just a moment...
thank you
just got back from a wonderful walk, on this beautiful march 25th.
2005
;)
which will hopefully be inspiring me for weeks and weeks and weeks
beside the beauty of the cherry blossom petal strewn alleys, on the very busy intersection of willingdon and hastings, a black dude is standing at the bus stop. i was just crossing the street with a bunch of ppl, and as we walk toward that black guy, as the first people start walking by him, he starts telling ppl "happy good friday! happy good friday!"
"we're all brothers!" he says to some asian and italian kids ...
as we walked by him, smiling, wishing him a happy good friday too, giggling, i hoped after, that other people felt like me, happy and thankful for such a simple, heartwarming thing to say... hope next time i react fast enough after something like that happens, so that after passing someone like that i can turn around and say "thank you for saying that, man!" cause if anything, that brought a whole bunch of smiles to the world, and a sense that things are awrite.
what a beatiful day...
:)
thank you
just got back from a wonderful walk, on this beautiful march 25th.
2005
;)
which will hopefully be inspiring me for weeks and weeks and weeks
beside the beauty of the cherry blossom petal strewn alleys, on the very busy intersection of willingdon and hastings, a black dude is standing at the bus stop. i was just crossing the street with a bunch of ppl, and as we walk toward that black guy, as the first people start walking by him, he starts telling ppl "happy good friday! happy good friday!"
"we're all brothers!" he says to some asian and italian kids ...
as we walked by him, smiling, wishing him a happy good friday too, giggling, i hoped after, that other people felt like me, happy and thankful for such a simple, heartwarming thing to say... hope next time i react fast enough after something like that happens, so that after passing someone like that i can turn around and say "thank you for saying that, man!" cause if anything, that brought a whole bunch of smiles to the world, and a sense that things are awrite.
what a beatiful day...
:)
Saturday, March 19, 2005
just got woken up by my friend calling me from a line-up i was supposed to be with him in. i dont see him much these days since i have a full time girlfriend, but every now and then he tries to keep in touch by inviting me to hang out. i rarely actually do come out, but he keeps trying. this time i actually said i would come out - he and his gf and 1 or 2 other couples are going to an improv comedy show. but last night i went out with a bunch of mexicans and had a blast, so today i'm a bit hungover. i had to cancel 2 other plans for today because i wasnt feeling too hot, plus my gf was quite upset with me going out last night when she wanted me to stay with her. long story, but today i'm trying to make up for that, so that was a big part of the reason for the 2 cancellations. but i didnt wanna cancel on my improv commitment. we went out with my gf to do a map run and hang out together, and when we got back she went for a nap, and after a while i joined her. of course the nap extended a bit too much and now i didnt show up to line up for the show. fucken bullshit. i just fucken cant. i feel helpless.
so maybe enough bitching for a minute.
this morning i saw the remainder of the movie "Steal this movie", which i started watching probably a week ago. its about the life of Abbie Hoffman from the time he started his political activism. it would be an ok movie if it was just fiction - but thats just it - this is this dude's life. that actually happened. i'm gonna buy this movie - not steal it - because i want to watch it every now and then to keep reminding myself of the importance of standing up for whats right, i want to keep waking up from this apathy which seems to keep engulfing me like a dreamy fog. these days we know whats going on more than the people in the 60's, but we seem to have just given up. we're trying to keep up with the rat race, and the precious little spare time we have we want to enjoy. whether by design or not - this set up is effectively keeping the masses at bay. too much free time might make it too easy for a critical mass of people who might question and even try to change reality to form. agh - that was an awkward sentence. oh well - exercise that brain :)
thats another thing i thunk of today - not sure it was always like this, but it seems to me like ppl are more preoccupied with the way a message might be presented rather than with the message itself. the way something looks or sounds is more important than what its actually trying to convey. i caught myself leaning toward discrediting the validity of what some people were trying to say just because they were fumbling with words too much. they still had a message - they were just delivering it in a spontaneous, unplanned and so perhaps not the most logical or easy to grasp way.
*sigh*
glad i got that off my chest :)
so maybe enough bitching for a minute.
this morning i saw the remainder of the movie "Steal this movie", which i started watching probably a week ago. its about the life of Abbie Hoffman from the time he started his political activism. it would be an ok movie if it was just fiction - but thats just it - this is this dude's life. that actually happened. i'm gonna buy this movie - not steal it - because i want to watch it every now and then to keep reminding myself of the importance of standing up for whats right, i want to keep waking up from this apathy which seems to keep engulfing me like a dreamy fog. these days we know whats going on more than the people in the 60's, but we seem to have just given up. we're trying to keep up with the rat race, and the precious little spare time we have we want to enjoy. whether by design or not - this set up is effectively keeping the masses at bay. too much free time might make it too easy for a critical mass of people who might question and even try to change reality to form. agh - that was an awkward sentence. oh well - exercise that brain :)
thats another thing i thunk of today - not sure it was always like this, but it seems to me like ppl are more preoccupied with the way a message might be presented rather than with the message itself. the way something looks or sounds is more important than what its actually trying to convey. i caught myself leaning toward discrediting the validity of what some people were trying to say just because they were fumbling with words too much. they still had a message - they were just delivering it in a spontaneous, unplanned and so perhaps not the most logical or easy to grasp way.
*sigh*
glad i got that off my chest :)
Friday, March 11, 2005
the fun wee exercise
for some reason my gf's blog is acting up again, so i'll have to do this funny little fun thing on my blog...
Instructions:
and i was happy that the book i found was this particular one... :)
A second explanation, the one Ev and I leaned toward, took a biochemical rather than a psychological approach. It said that Dennis, through his unusual diet of alkaloids and the experiment he performed, had inhibited some enzyme system that would normally return one from the heights of a hallucinogenic trip, but in this case had somehow become inoperative. The most likely candidate for this would be the monoamine oxydase (MAO) system, which is responsible for rendering many hallucinogens into inoperative byproducts.
mind you, this is not the first time i've read these rules, but i didnt wanna do it before because only my gf's books were around me.
that was from "True Hallucinations: Being an Account of the Author's Extraordinary Adventures in the Devil's Paradise" by Terence McKenna.
Instructions:
- Grab the nearest book.
- Open the book to page 123.
- Find the fifth sentence.
- Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions
- Don't you dare dig for that cool or intellectual book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
and i was happy that the book i found was this particular one... :)
A second explanation, the one Ev and I leaned toward, took a biochemical rather than a psychological approach. It said that Dennis, through his unusual diet of alkaloids and the experiment he performed, had inhibited some enzyme system that would normally return one from the heights of a hallucinogenic trip, but in this case had somehow become inoperative. The most likely candidate for this would be the monoamine oxydase (MAO) system, which is responsible for rendering many hallucinogens into inoperative byproducts.
mind you, this is not the first time i've read these rules, but i didnt wanna do it before because only my gf's books were around me.
that was from "True Hallucinations: Being an Account of the Author's Extraordinary Adventures in the Devil's Paradise" by Terence McKenna.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
some sweet-ass sites out there. i surfed instead of getting onto the comp problem and happened upon http://fusionanomaly.net/networks.html
fusionanomaly seems like a wicked web of pages about a great variety of subjects, with many hyperlinked words, pictures, etc that refer you to pages on the subject of the hyperlinked (i hope i'm using the appropriate word here) word/pic/whatev that u clicked on that took u there. i may not be explaining it very well, so just go there and check it out for urself.
in the process of writing this wee entry i actually started working on the comp problem. my friend's HD is fooked - first i figured out that the floppy drive wasnt working b/c the ribbon cable was plugged into it with the wrong connector - i was supposed to use the one with the few wires in the middle twisted around, not the straight-thru. so the maxtor HD utility said it fixed whatev was wrong but each time i tried to start the comp i got the same prob. and every time it would find a prob and say it fixed it and every time it wouldnt boot up. so the HD is toast. now i'm checking my HD. i have 3 HD's on my comp - the maxtor one is the one that failed - whichever time in a row. the short test of the maxtor utility prog detects a problem, the full on one doesnt. plus my chip recently started overheating sometimes. right now i got my gf's fan sitting in front of the comp, i took the housing walls off, and the beeping stopped. my bro told me to just raise the warning temperature in BIOS to like 60 C. its at 56 right now i believe. he says he's got his chip running at 80 C. i donno - its not really solving the prob. when i have time i'm gonna have to give that comp a good dusting. talked to my buddy's gf yesterday and she swears by her mac. e-mac i believe. never got a virus. her comp crashed once in the last year and change. all she had to do was to turn it off and back on. never happened again. its quiet. takes up no space. looks cool. got it for a grand and they threw in the printer. it came with speakers - she just recommends maybe getting a base speaker. i rarely use my comp speakers - if anything i use the headphones. she uses firefox mozilla so she never gets popups. got some email prog that brings in emails from 5 diff email accts she's got out there. i'm gonna go over to her place soon and check it out for myslef. i think it would be worth it - save on all the hassle, AND have a cool looking comp :)
realistically, i use (or used to use) my comp to strictly check email, surf the net, do my banking, download songs, some anime, but not much, play music. i dont really have the time to play games. no patience to learn to play very involved ones. sometimes i rem with nostalgia the duke nukem, doom, warcraft II, starcraft, myst but dont even have time to play those again. so if i get a mac and have the time one day, i'm sure i can play those oldies thru a win emulator or whatever they use.
but we'll see.
man, i noticed that sometimes i can bog down a bit into chat typing mode with my abbrev's... :D
friggin' simon posford rules. his "music name" (check out the eloquence! not) is hallucinogen. i wonder if he uses psychedelics, or if its just a clever name. and if he does then what, how much, how often, when, with what intent, how. a lot of stuff is "fun", but i'm kinda shying away from simply frivolous use of "stuff". i dont know that many smot pokers who speak of pot addiction. i guess it depends what u consider an addiction. luckily the stuff doesnt kill, but for me, very frequent use has started to encroach on my life in ways i hadn't thought it would, or even could. i did hear about the adverse effect on memory. but didnt realize it could unbalance my moods. when i wasnt smoking that is. when i found what i like about it, i couldnt believe more ppl didnt smoke it. when coming up, it was relaxing as hell, a bit euphoric, my worries were put in perspective, i didnt mind doing my chores, the amazing ideas and trains of thought that occured to me while doing some mechanical, thoughtless activity like driving home in traffic or showering - really cool ideas and realisations. plus, everything seemed so much cooler - going for a walk was awesome! but shortly after, when it leveled off, i'd start feeling tired and sleepy - so that was not a good thing in the middle of the day. and my memory just wasnt as good even when i was completely down. and adversities really brought me down - thats just nasty. me and a friend both really like pot, but we both think we do it too much and it occurred to us that it would be really cool to bring it to the same level as our alcohol use. we'd drink like once in a blue moon. smoking once in a blue moon like that would mean that we'd still be able to enjoy all the good things that pot brought to our lives, without its negative effects. ppl should be more educated about the "stuff" available out there. alcohol was prohibited in north america for a while too. it came back. it has a good side and a negative one. i'd still vote for the legalisation of marijuana - but coupled with EDUCATION.
i havent yet seen any negative effects of mushrooms or acid. i wonder if its because i havent done it enough times to get the full picture. it took 3 years to come to my conclusion about pot. then there's also the factor of everyone being different. i work with a guy who has one shot of alcohol or a beer, and he turns red right away and gets buzzed. thats quite a low tolerance. cheap for him to get drunk tho - when he does drink. i'm like that with pot. a friend dubbed me a "one toke wonder". i wonder if it would have sounded better if he stuck with the original expression of "one hit wonder" :) either way - to me the song "smoke two joints" is just unreal. but i know there are ppl like that.
i'm just raaaambling... :)
so back to simon posford = hallucinogen. some really cool trax. i love his style. what he does is magic. one of his more recent trax includes a sample from what seems like an interview with some 60's acid advocate:
"There is an area of the mind which can be called unsane, beyond sanity. And yet not insane. Think of a circle with a fine split in it. At one end there's insanity. You go around the circle to sanity, and on the other end of the circle, close to insanity, but not insanity, is unsanity." i think the dude later goes on to say that acid helps to bring us close to the unsanity region. but that kinda sounds like quite dated pop-psychology talk. what is sanity?
anywho - a few hours have passed, i went to dictionary.com for a good deffinition of sanity - that window is still frozen - no sanity deffinition. but i managed to get my own comp running- for some reason my old installation of windows now works, so thats kinda cool for the moment. about the sanity circle - i guess more or less what i was trying to get at was that ppl seem to like paraphrases - i suppose its a way to try and understand something unknown. when u deal with the unknown further, u come to know it for its own unique qualities.
paraphrases and cryptic sayings. something about these being key factors in the success of Jesus, Confucius, Shakespeare, etc. but the sanity thing - i dont know - i think the word "sane" has its roots in the meaning "healthy" - its just that it now is used of mental health. we say that someone who is mentally healthy is normal. normal as in conforms to the "norm" - what seems to be thecase for most ppl. but evolution is a history of change, of taking the risk to deviate from the norm. ppl who are insane are just ppl who are different than the norm in the mental health department. for now - the norm is the way to go - works in favor of millions of ppl surviving. but as genetic mutations, different ideas and different environments keep throwing up "different" models, or variations on the "norm", one day we might see that a certain "model" of human seems to be better and is becoming the new norm. or environmental pressures change in favor of a till-then minority - the norm will get forced out of existence and the new norm will fill the void. there - what a nutshell! :D
ok - i'm going :)
fusionanomaly seems like a wicked web of pages about a great variety of subjects, with many hyperlinked words, pictures, etc that refer you to pages on the subject of the hyperlinked (i hope i'm using the appropriate word here) word/pic/whatev that u clicked on that took u there. i may not be explaining it very well, so just go there and check it out for urself.
in the process of writing this wee entry i actually started working on the comp problem. my friend's HD is fooked - first i figured out that the floppy drive wasnt working b/c the ribbon cable was plugged into it with the wrong connector - i was supposed to use the one with the few wires in the middle twisted around, not the straight-thru. so the maxtor HD utility said it fixed whatev was wrong but each time i tried to start the comp i got the same prob. and every time it would find a prob and say it fixed it and every time it wouldnt boot up. so the HD is toast. now i'm checking my HD. i have 3 HD's on my comp - the maxtor one is the one that failed - whichever time in a row. the short test of the maxtor utility prog detects a problem, the full on one doesnt. plus my chip recently started overheating sometimes. right now i got my gf's fan sitting in front of the comp, i took the housing walls off, and the beeping stopped. my bro told me to just raise the warning temperature in BIOS to like 60 C. its at 56 right now i believe. he says he's got his chip running at 80 C. i donno - its not really solving the prob. when i have time i'm gonna have to give that comp a good dusting. talked to my buddy's gf yesterday and she swears by her mac. e-mac i believe. never got a virus. her comp crashed once in the last year and change. all she had to do was to turn it off and back on. never happened again. its quiet. takes up no space. looks cool. got it for a grand and they threw in the printer. it came with speakers - she just recommends maybe getting a base speaker. i rarely use my comp speakers - if anything i use the headphones. she uses firefox mozilla so she never gets popups. got some email prog that brings in emails from 5 diff email accts she's got out there. i'm gonna go over to her place soon and check it out for myslef. i think it would be worth it - save on all the hassle, AND have a cool looking comp :)
realistically, i use (or used to use) my comp to strictly check email, surf the net, do my banking, download songs, some anime, but not much, play music. i dont really have the time to play games. no patience to learn to play very involved ones. sometimes i rem with nostalgia the duke nukem, doom, warcraft II, starcraft, myst but dont even have time to play those again. so if i get a mac and have the time one day, i'm sure i can play those oldies thru a win emulator or whatever they use.
but we'll see.
man, i noticed that sometimes i can bog down a bit into chat typing mode with my abbrev's... :D
friggin' simon posford rules. his "music name" (check out the eloquence! not) is hallucinogen. i wonder if he uses psychedelics, or if its just a clever name. and if he does then what, how much, how often, when, with what intent, how. a lot of stuff is "fun", but i'm kinda shying away from simply frivolous use of "stuff". i dont know that many smot pokers who speak of pot addiction. i guess it depends what u consider an addiction. luckily the stuff doesnt kill, but for me, very frequent use has started to encroach on my life in ways i hadn't thought it would, or even could. i did hear about the adverse effect on memory. but didnt realize it could unbalance my moods. when i wasnt smoking that is. when i found what i like about it, i couldnt believe more ppl didnt smoke it. when coming up, it was relaxing as hell, a bit euphoric, my worries were put in perspective, i didnt mind doing my chores, the amazing ideas and trains of thought that occured to me while doing some mechanical, thoughtless activity like driving home in traffic or showering - really cool ideas and realisations. plus, everything seemed so much cooler - going for a walk was awesome! but shortly after, when it leveled off, i'd start feeling tired and sleepy - so that was not a good thing in the middle of the day. and my memory just wasnt as good even when i was completely down. and adversities really brought me down - thats just nasty. me and a friend both really like pot, but we both think we do it too much and it occurred to us that it would be really cool to bring it to the same level as our alcohol use. we'd drink like once in a blue moon. smoking once in a blue moon like that would mean that we'd still be able to enjoy all the good things that pot brought to our lives, without its negative effects. ppl should be more educated about the "stuff" available out there. alcohol was prohibited in north america for a while too. it came back. it has a good side and a negative one. i'd still vote for the legalisation of marijuana - but coupled with EDUCATION.
i havent yet seen any negative effects of mushrooms or acid. i wonder if its because i havent done it enough times to get the full picture. it took 3 years to come to my conclusion about pot. then there's also the factor of everyone being different. i work with a guy who has one shot of alcohol or a beer, and he turns red right away and gets buzzed. thats quite a low tolerance. cheap for him to get drunk tho - when he does drink. i'm like that with pot. a friend dubbed me a "one toke wonder". i wonder if it would have sounded better if he stuck with the original expression of "one hit wonder" :) either way - to me the song "smoke two joints" is just unreal. but i know there are ppl like that.
i'm just raaaambling... :)
so back to simon posford = hallucinogen. some really cool trax. i love his style. what he does is magic. one of his more recent trax includes a sample from what seems like an interview with some 60's acid advocate:
"There is an area of the mind which can be called unsane, beyond sanity. And yet not insane. Think of a circle with a fine split in it. At one end there's insanity. You go around the circle to sanity, and on the other end of the circle, close to insanity, but not insanity, is unsanity." i think the dude later goes on to say that acid helps to bring us close to the unsanity region. but that kinda sounds like quite dated pop-psychology talk. what is sanity?
anywho - a few hours have passed, i went to dictionary.com for a good deffinition of sanity - that window is still frozen - no sanity deffinition. but i managed to get my own comp running- for some reason my old installation of windows now works, so thats kinda cool for the moment. about the sanity circle - i guess more or less what i was trying to get at was that ppl seem to like paraphrases - i suppose its a way to try and understand something unknown. when u deal with the unknown further, u come to know it for its own unique qualities.
paraphrases and cryptic sayings. something about these being key factors in the success of Jesus, Confucius, Shakespeare, etc. but the sanity thing - i dont know - i think the word "sane" has its roots in the meaning "healthy" - its just that it now is used of mental health. we say that someone who is mentally healthy is normal. normal as in conforms to the "norm" - what seems to be thecase for most ppl. but evolution is a history of change, of taking the risk to deviate from the norm. ppl who are insane are just ppl who are different than the norm in the mental health department. for now - the norm is the way to go - works in favor of millions of ppl surviving. but as genetic mutations, different ideas and different environments keep throwing up "different" models, or variations on the "norm", one day we might see that a certain "model" of human seems to be better and is becoming the new norm. or environmental pressures change in favor of a till-then minority - the norm will get forced out of existence and the new norm will fill the void. there - what a nutshell! :D
ok - i'm going :)
it is becoming apparent to me that i dont "like" to "create" or "produce", and am most at ease observing. such a lifestyle is doomed to fail. extinction. i mean, i work for a living but i dont really like it most of the time. one has to contribute to the world, the society one lives in - otherwise one's just a parasite. hehe - isnt one :)
i like to listen, read, watch, look, accompany, but rarely if ever do i actually "generate" anything. seems like i just respond to stimuli - a friggin' glorified cuckaroach. right now i'm supposed to be fixing a comp for a friend of my rents' - and it involves having to learn and troubleshoot and figure out just why the bloody thing wont work. this could be viewed as an exciting prospect - exploring, learning and all that jazz. but i got some internal brakes firmly on. i think it was easier to "just do it" when i smoked pot. i think i'm more productive when i smoke pot. then i dont seem to mind nearly as much getting into unfamiliar territory or whatever adversities. or doing something i dont really feel like doing or dont like. seems like i'd rather talk about it instead of just doing it.
i like to listen, read, watch, look, accompany, but rarely if ever do i actually "generate" anything. seems like i just respond to stimuli - a friggin' glorified cuckaroach. right now i'm supposed to be fixing a comp for a friend of my rents' - and it involves having to learn and troubleshoot and figure out just why the bloody thing wont work. this could be viewed as an exciting prospect - exploring, learning and all that jazz. but i got some internal brakes firmly on. i think it was easier to "just do it" when i smoked pot. i think i'm more productive when i smoke pot. then i dont seem to mind nearly as much getting into unfamiliar territory or whatever adversities. or doing something i dont really feel like doing or dont like. seems like i'd rather talk about it instead of just doing it.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
i'm really starting to get annoyed with blogger - the layout keeps getting messed up for no apparent reason and its just so cumbersome when it comes to pics. i almost had a coronary yesterday, trying to put my pic in my profile. first i had to download/install "hello", then upload my pic - but that was ok. i rem'd my gf saying something about having to actually post a pic and then open it, copy the addy from the bar and then insert that in the pic url space in the profile editor. then it turned out that my pic was by far too big. as in gi-normous: a wild science-ficionesque size of 1.2 megs or something, compared to the until-then undisclosed top limit of 50 kb. 50 kb? i envisioned having to reduce the quality of the pic until the pixelization (or is it pixelation?) made it impossible to tell whether it was a pic of a weather balloon or a kettle. THEN i had to resort to using my gf's pic software "mgi photo suite" - which had severe problems with the adjustments i wanted to make AND save. but i managed. then the friggin' "hello" crapped out and just kept going to a settings screen and after that it was invariably to an error page. i loogged out and back in - same thing.
but in the end i got an under 50kb pic that doesnt look like a tea pot and my gf somehow managed to get that pic onto my blog, and i really shouldnt bitch nearly as much because her comp at least works :)
i'm not sure i like my tendency to just use blogger for venting these days. i'd rather contribute to a positive world. almost 3 weeks no pot! :D
but in the end i got an under 50kb pic that doesnt look like a tea pot and my gf somehow managed to get that pic onto my blog, and i really shouldnt bitch nearly as much because her comp at least works :)
i'm not sure i like my tendency to just use blogger for venting these days. i'd rather contribute to a positive world. almost 3 weeks no pot! :D
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
yet another day as an ant. how bad does this get? i guess i could still lose my job and have to move back to my parents' AGAIN and get some terminal disease.
my gf just got pissed off at me for not coming to bed with her. life sucks. shouldnt things be on the up now that i'm not smoking? its only 10:24 for fux sakes.
my gf just got pissed off at me for not coming to bed with her. life sucks. shouldnt things be on the up now that i'm not smoking? its only 10:24 for fux sakes.
Monday, January 17, 2005
2 weeks no pot
thats right - 14 days :)
i like pot, but there's a time and place for it. without me realising it, it'd invaded my life and i kept turning to it for feeling good - but it was impairing me in some ways and finally i decided that i needed to level out emotionally *without* being adversly affected in terms of memory, sexual performance, concentration and comprehension. it may soom odd to some that a shroom trip helped me crystallise these thoughts and finally the decision :)
true - i've been turning to beer for a sort of consolation a bit, but even that's pretty much gone now,so thats awrite :)
if i'm having this much trouble with pot then i'm thankful i never got into anything hardcore :)
i'm sorta toying now with the idea of trying to get somewhere deeper with psychadelics, some sort of understanding, revelation, illumination..? and i still havent really hallucinated yet... :(
sometimes i wonder whether its all bullshit, but then i remember my friend alek's amazing, if frightening, mushroom experience. so it is possible. but perhaps not for everybody :(
but no more unexamined, purely recreational substances :)
but so often, like this evening, i find myself a bit low: i passed yet another day like an ant: went to work, did my stupid work for chump change, under supervisors who are less knowledgeable/intelligent than me, drove home, did some chores, tried rushing off to help parents' friends with their comp problem, got stuck in traffic, wasted a bunch of time, didnt solve the problem, bothered my brother in edmonton with a friggin' free tech support phone call, ended up taking their comp with me to hopefully fix it home, got back home, did chores to only slightly diminish the depressing backlog of shit that still needs to get done and needed to get done for a while now, and then the gf wants to go to sleep... i havent LIVED today yet! i refuse to live out my life doing stuff i dont like or barely tolerate! i'm here for me! it's got to be worthwhile!
so at least i messed with the blog for a bit. oh, did i mention my comp died? good thing my gf's got one of her own - that way we're not *totally* cut off from the world. real life kinda sucks. or maybe i'm going about it all wrong. maybe i'm too pessimistic. how do i get more optimistic?
still gotta shower before hitting the sack...
i like pot, but there's a time and place for it. without me realising it, it'd invaded my life and i kept turning to it for feeling good - but it was impairing me in some ways and finally i decided that i needed to level out emotionally *without* being adversly affected in terms of memory, sexual performance, concentration and comprehension. it may soom odd to some that a shroom trip helped me crystallise these thoughts and finally the decision :)
true - i've been turning to beer for a sort of consolation a bit, but even that's pretty much gone now,so thats awrite :)
if i'm having this much trouble with pot then i'm thankful i never got into anything hardcore :)
i'm sorta toying now with the idea of trying to get somewhere deeper with psychadelics, some sort of understanding, revelation, illumination..? and i still havent really hallucinated yet... :(
sometimes i wonder whether its all bullshit, but then i remember my friend alek's amazing, if frightening, mushroom experience. so it is possible. but perhaps not for everybody :(
but no more unexamined, purely recreational substances :)
but so often, like this evening, i find myself a bit low: i passed yet another day like an ant: went to work, did my stupid work for chump change, under supervisors who are less knowledgeable/intelligent than me, drove home, did some chores, tried rushing off to help parents' friends with their comp problem, got stuck in traffic, wasted a bunch of time, didnt solve the problem, bothered my brother in edmonton with a friggin' free tech support phone call, ended up taking their comp with me to hopefully fix it home, got back home, did chores to only slightly diminish the depressing backlog of shit that still needs to get done and needed to get done for a while now, and then the gf wants to go to sleep... i havent LIVED today yet! i refuse to live out my life doing stuff i dont like or barely tolerate! i'm here for me! it's got to be worthwhile!
so at least i messed with the blog for a bit. oh, did i mention my comp died? good thing my gf's got one of her own - that way we're not *totally* cut off from the world. real life kinda sucks. or maybe i'm going about it all wrong. maybe i'm too pessimistic. how do i get more optimistic?
still gotta shower before hitting the sack...
Monday, January 10, 2005
so, my new year's resolution was to quit the pot - well more like reeeeally minimise it - to like once or twice a month. so far its been a week and i guess i'm doing awrite - although i've been having a beer or 2 almost every day - phx is not too happy about that - we'll see how things develop. sometimes i feel like life is shit and there's no fucken way i wanna go thru it sober - its just too shitty. i dont know a single truly happy individual who has to support themselves. ok maybe there's my friend montoyo - but he's finding it really hard to quit pot. so i guess thats taking away from his happiness. life is a constant struggle. i guess that s one way it can be seen. i dont wanna believe that point of view tho. i dont want it to be all that there is to it. i try to see it in other, more positive ways. i need to be happier, or else its not worth it. who am i gonna suffer thru life for? but it seems like to get to a point where i might be happier i must first fight an uphill battle against myself - my nature, my character/personality. i have to work hard to get to a hopefully better existence. i've sorta been trying but can i actually do it? i know i should just do it - but its so unbelievably hard! i m trying and i'm hitting my head against a brick wall. i dont wanna work hard at some stupid shit - and there's no way of living any kinda lifestyle without doing just that. but i gotta keep on trying.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
re: the universe as a readout
turns out that the universe as a readout idea has already been thought of - like when i was a year old. i was just listening to the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy when it dawned on me - that's my idea!
:(
but hey - life keeps moving on.
ok - time for beddy
:(
but hey - life keeps moving on.
ok - time for beddy
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